Gravity Falls: Game of the Year Edition
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: During Weirdmagedon! Dipper died, and find his life to be a videogame! When he gets his 2nd chance... people will die... Dipper X Harem! Inspired by 'Michaelsuave' , 'Majin Hentai X', 'Concept101' and 'Gamer'. This will serve as an example for my 'Shake up the Falls' challenge!
1. Chapter 1

Gravity Falls: Game of the Year Edition

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

 **…** **...**

 **ATTENTION EVERYONE! I'll be briefly breaking my Hiatus and having a Halloween contest. I'll be posting Halloween themed stories, horror themed, or one's that end with a cliff-hanger! The story that gets the most reviews, will be the one I update on Halloween!(and maybe a few other surprises. heh. heh.)**

 **And don't forget to check out my new "Shake Up the Falls" Challenge!**

…...

Dipper screamed as Bill burnt him and the journals to a crisp...he couldn't believe it...Mable was lost...Ford was a backscratcher...the journals were destroyed...Bill had won...

The last thing he heard was Bill and his Hench-maniacs mocking laughter...

…...

 **GAME OVER**

What? Asked a confused Dipper at the words playing in front of him.

 **FINAL SCORE:**

 **Enemies defeated: 439/10000**

 **GRADE: dismal**

 **Secrets discovered: 46/1000000**

 **GRADE: YOU SUCK**

 **Relationship attempts: 5/9**

 **GRADE: LOSER!**

 **Relationship successes: 0/9**

 **GRADE: DWEEB!**

 **win Fords apprenticeship: Fail(due to mentor death)**

 **GRADE: YOU BLEW IT MAN!**

 **Stop Mabel from making deal with Bill: Fail**

 **GRADE: EPIC FAIL!**

 **Future after this Summer: Bleak**

 **GRADE: WERE YOU EVEN TRYING TO WIN!?**

 **Kill Bill: Fail**

 **GRADE: Your dead to me**

 **Lose Virginity before death: Fail**

 **GRADE: HOW DID YOU FAIL THIS!? LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY RIGHT BEFORE AN APOCALYPSE IS LITERALLY THE EASIEST THING POSSIBLE!**

 **FINAL TALLY: F*** YOU**

"What!?" Exclaimed Dipper in disbelief again.

 **Want to play again? Y/N**

"WHAT!?" Exclaimed a horrified Dipper as the full implications of the situations sunk in...

…...

An invisible Slenderman groaned from nearby. **"Great, 'existential angst'...thank Paul Bunyan for FF."** He said simply as he speed up time to skip all the(shudder) 'Emo stuff'. He then turned to the reader. **"Now I know what your thinking: Why did you assign as many points to Dipper that you did? What was the reasoning behind it?"** He promptly flips them the bird. **"Frak you, that's why."** He then gives his best 'Troll face'. " **HATERS GONNA HATE!"**

….9 speedy hours and one mental breakdown/recovery later...

Dipper finally stopped hyperventilating and tried to take charge of the situation. He selected 'game guide'...and what he found actually gave him relief.

Turns out his life was only 'just now' turned into a game...before it was real life...after Dipper 'won' things would(more or less) revert back to normal.

Dippers mood went dark again when selecting 'info' on the 'future after this Summer' tally board revealed the following:

….Future-vision...

 _A forty-something year old Dipper enters his parents house and takes off his fast-food uniform with a sigh as he looks down at his meager paycheck._

 _A forty-something Mabel (wearing a crazy sweater and surrounded by dozens of cats); looks up._

 **"** _Hey Dipping sauce! Guess what!? I made a 50 ft butterfly made of comics...which I then set ablaze! I'm still the goddess of destruction!...also the police are here again to fine us for burning stuff without a permit...also for unintended arson damage to the neighbors house"_

 **"** _Wait, what!?" Shouts Dipper just as a policeman steps out of the shadows and snatches up Dipper's paycheck._

 **"** _Ah, come on man! I worked overtime the whole week at the drive-through to earn that!" Shouts Dipper. But the Officer had already left._

 _Dipper feels a drop of water on his head...the ceiling was leaking..._

 **"** _I also created a new water slide for Waddles!"_

 _CRASH!_

 _The ceiling gives way as a giant hog crashes down and breaks the floor; water soaking everything!_

 _The cats scatter in panic; breaking various household objects as they do so._

 _Mabel laughs at this. "Ah, they're cute when their crazy!" She shouts as she takes a picture of them._

 _Dipper sighs as he goes to check the emergency fund...only to find it empty..._

 **"** _Hey Dipping sauce! Can we have Pizza tonight!? Duck-tective will be on!" Shouts the ever cheerful yet oblivious Mabel._

 _Dipper just hangs his head...and cries..._

 _…_ _..._

Dipper was not happy. He was also not happy with the discovery of Mabel starting the apocalypse! True...she thought she was dealing with Blendin(according to the info on the guide)...but even so...trapping all her loved ones in a never ending time-loop without their permission!? Just because he wanted to live his own life!? That was messed up!

Dipper never realized how much of an emotional crutch he'd become for Mable...what they had...it was like Co-dependent and Enabler...it just wasn't healthy...

Dipper brushed these thoughts aside. He'd deal with that later; right now it was time to strategize:

 **HELLO STUPID! TIME TO ALLOCATE YOUR PRIMARY STATISTICS! WON'T THAT BE FUN? NOT!**

 **SKILL POINTS: these point will help you increase your primary statistics; you gain them by getting enough experience points by successfully doing numerous actions, quests, missions, etc. Warning: the amount of Experience points needed to gain a Skill point will go up with each skill point earned.**

 **YOU HAVE 60 skill points to allocate amongst the following S.P.E.C.I.A.L. traits(these points must be spent before the game starts):**

 **DISCLAIMER: despite the name; you are in no way 'special' your just a carbon blob that makes people vomit**

 **STRENGTH:(modifies melee damage, Carry Weight, magic melee damage) Tired of being a wuss? Tired of getting beat up by old ladies? THEN GET YOUR FAT BUTT OFF THE COUCH AND EXERCISE ALREADY! YOU LAZY BUM!...or conversely you can just give skill points to here.**

 **PERCEPTION: (modifies Sequence, ranged combat distance modifiers, dialogue options, distance from enemies in random encounters, First Aid, Doctor, Lockpick, Traps, magics) Taste, touch, smell, see, and hear things more so than usual...unless your just lazy...then just eat cow s*** and die...**

 **ENDURANCE: (modifies Hit Points, Poison & Radiation Resistance, and Healing Rate, magic points) Tired of sweating after a measly flight of stairs? WELL BOO WHO! IS BABY GONNA CRY ABOUT HOW COLD IT IS TO?!...you sicken me...**

 **CHARISMA: (modifies prices, Speech, Barter, Relationship Limit)YOU? WITH CHARISMA!? HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! H! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!**

An annoyed Dipper scrolls down 300 pages worth of laughter...

 **HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!...Ha...Ha...oh, can't breathe...ha...oh mercy...Kid, don't waste your points. You can roll that dog turd in sugar till the cows come home...it ain't going to become a doughnut no matter how hard you try...**

 **INTELIGENCE: (modifies Number of new skill points per level, Dialogue options Medicine, Repair, Science, magic) Boy, just keep walking. Even as the supposed 'smart guy'; you hurt the girls you love, Enabled your sister to go crazy clingy-vill, let your mentor down, and let your world go up in flames...might as well just sell your brain in the bargain bin while you can still get a good deal...**

 **AGILITY: (modifies Drawing/Holstering speeds, Reload Speeds, Sneak) What's it mean to be agile? It's quite simple: IT'S EVERYTHING YOU AREN'T!**

 **LUCK: (modifies all skills, Critical Chance, gambling, some random encounters, magic) It is said that the great Napoleon himself was known to promote his soldiers based on how lucky they were...'luckily' for you he's no longer alive...one look at you and he'd just put you out of your misery...**

 **Warning: although there is no level cap to any of theses skills. For these skill points that you now have. You can only allocate twenty points to any one skill...when the game starts this limit will be lifted.**

 **PERK POINTS: You gain 1 perk point for every time you gain 10 skill points in any one skill set; which you can use to buy perks. More perks will be added or unlocked as the game progresses.**

 **You have 2 perk points, use them to buy any two of the following perks:**

 **Pyro maniac: BURN YOUR ENEMIES!...warning: 75% chance of killing yourself and allies**

 **A crank a day: gain the knowledge and skills of an experienced drug peddler...Warning: 65%-95% chance you'll die in a meth lab explosion.**

 **Aqua king: gain the power to breath underwater and swim like a champ!...Warning: will turn you into a fish freak, lose 100 charisma points, and 100% chance of people throwing rocks at you.**

 **Nothing: It's perk that dose nothing!...how will we know if it works?**

Their were a hundred different perks...most of them either created by a sadist that wanted him to die horribly...or were completely useless. And most of the ones that were decent; were the ones that let him use magic...and those were all locked until 'Season 2'...what did that even mean?

Finally he decided on two decent perks:

 **The hungry Bookworm: gain one intelligence point for every Skill Book you read(this will be in addition to the skill point you already get from said book)...warning: you'll have an uncontrollable urge to eat the book after you finish with it.**

 **Vanna shake my pirate booty!: 10% increase in all Experience points gained finding loot, 65% increase in value on all loot you discover/steal and 95% more likely to find 'rare items' in monster gullets or buried treasure...warning: parrots and pirates will poop on you constantly...and you'll be #1 on every Ninja hit list.**

Dipper had two things going for him: he had prior knowledge to what was going to happen this Summer and two; years of being a social outcast nerd let him know how to grind!, 'fix' combat statistics, and exploit cheats and bugs!

Dipper didn't kid himself; he was a master planner...not a fighter. He'd grind the other skills later(and get Wendy in his party as soon as possible). For now, he was putting all he could into 'Intelligence'! 20 skill points!

And Gideon and Grunkle Stan had proven to him the value of tricking people to do what you want...and he was sick and tired of being ignored! This time he would be heard! 20 skill points to Charisma!

And finally...looking back on his adventures, Dipper realized that he'd survived more on dumb luck than anything else...so...20 skill points to luck!

They way he figured; combining his 'Vanna Shake my Pirate Booty' perk with his 'Luck' at the inevitable casino mini-games...and then combine that with his Charisma and Intelligence boosting his 'barter'...he'd be running this town soon enough!

And the 'Hungry Bookworm'...well, there was no such thing as being 'too smart' far as Dipper was concerned!

The book eating thing didn't bother him(Grunkle Stan made him eat FAR worse)...the pirate and parrot poop thing was disgusting...but after three months of cleaning Grunkle Stans bathroom...he was now desensitized to such things...the whole Ninja thing was a bit confusing...and worrying...but he was already in mortal danger in Gravity Falls(what's one enemy more to an already huge list?)..might as well get paid for it!

As a side bonus...by assigning Skill points in bulk...he immediately got 6 more perk points right off the bat! He'd have to wait for more useful perks to be found/added/or unlocked...but it was nice to be prepared regardless!

With everything complete...Dipper selected 'start'...and just like that...he was back at the Bus stop...on that fateful first day of Gravity Falls...where he'd set everything right!

 **THUMP!**

 _Oh...right...zero strength and zero endurance..._ Thought a now very wimpy Dipper somberly as a leaf hit him in the face and knocked him over...and cost him 9 of his 10 hit points...

 _This...is not going well for me..._ Thought Dipper as he cradled his now bloody nose...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Inspired by Michaelsuave and** **Majin Hentai X**

 **AN: this will be an example of my 'Shake up the Falls' Challenge.**

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**

 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**Gravity Falls: Game of the year Edition Ch. 2**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

 **WITH ELEVEN REVIEWS; THIS STORY IS THE WINNER!**

 **HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY!**

 **ENJOY!**

…...

Dipper was actually thankful that Mable had excitedly ran on ahead and left him to carry the luggage...this would've been too embarrassing otherwise.

Dipper would admit...assuming that the game would just reset his body to how it was before the Summer...had been a mistake...

 _Okay, Dipper...this isn't a problem...it'll take awhile...but you can just grind your way back up to 'adequate'...you have all the time in the-_

 **RANDOM ENCONTER!**

"Oh, come on!" Shouts Dipper.

 **RANDOM ENCOUNTERS: You fight random people/things that come out of nowhere, what's their to know?**

 **Oh, and you also have the opportunity to flee-**

Dipper quickly selected flee.

 **-is what I would say if your Endurance and Strength weren't so low.**

 **Unfortunately, you can only flee from random encounters with creatures; if you have high enough Strength, Endurance, and Luck.**

 **If it was a human(or human-ish), your high Charisma, Intelligence, and Luck would have easily allowed you to flee...but it's not. SUCKS TO BE YOU!**

 **P.S. Because you selected 'Flee' but failed to do so, it immediately counts as an insta-kill for you. HA!**

Dipper would be cursing a blue streak at the moment...If he hadn't been busy cowering at the sight of the creature in front of him...

Most people wouldn't cower before a rabbit...but most people hadn't watched 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail'.

"Be gentle." Whimpered Dipper right before the rabbit lunged and ripped him to pieces-

...loading last save...

Dipper was deposited back at the last auto-save...which unfortunately for him was the beginning of the random encounter.

Fortunately, Dipper knew now that 'fleeing' was currently useless. So he throws a rock...which only goes a couple feet...but dose make a small noise that enrages the rabbit-

 **SPLAT!**

...Loading last save...

 **SPLAT!**

...Loading last save...

 **SPLAT!**

...Loading last save...

It didn't take Dipper long to realize that in his current state...he was powerless to stop himself from being killed...and for him to get angry...

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU STUPID GAME!? THERE'S NO WAY TO WIN THIS! IS MY LIFE A SICK JOKE TO YOU!?"

And that's when the game paused...and he received a message-

 **Message: Okay, fine crybaby...I've had my fun...you can only see a little boy scream like a girl while being mauled by a rabbit so many times before it gets old...**

 **Anyway, to speed thing along. We offer this one-time free perk! Will you accept it?"**

Dipper sighed...it may not cost him a perk point...but Dipper was pretty sure there'd still be a 'cost'...and he was right.

 **HEART OF A TRUE MAN:** **Gain 10 Endurance points! Gain 10 Strength points! Gain Gamers Body(you don't need food, water, toilet, or sleep! Like a real freak of a video game character!)! Gain Gamer mind(your now free from all 'emo' thoughts, your welcome!)**

 **Warning: Like a true man...you know inner-strength is all that matters...so of course you won't mind this perk shriveling your genitals to ridiculously tiny size! And ensuring a 100% chance of girls laughing at you if they see it! Nope! That doesn't bother you! Cause your a real man!...also, there'll be a 50/50 chance of Bigfoot attempting to kidnap you everyday!**

Dipper groaned...but he knew he had no choice...he accepts...

When the world unpauses, Dipper quickly braced himself for another random encounter...which never came...the rabbit was gone...

Dipper decided not to question it...he then tried out his new body...he was definitely stronger then he was at the beginning of summer...maybe stronger then even what he was at the end! And as an added bonus; he got two more perk points because of the 20 skill points he just got!

Dipper felt good...but he quickly shook these good feelings off. This was no time to celebrate! He was in a game being controlled by a sadist! He needed to grind points fast to survive!

He quickly went over to both his and Mable's discarded luggage and started to rummage through them for anything he could add to his inventory.

Most of it was both their wallets(each filled with a couple hundred bucks), clothes and toys he'd have to barter to get any real money...but he found a couple useful things:

 **FOUND:** **Thinking 101!**

 **You found a skill book!**

 **SKILL BOOKS: you can do one of two things with them; you can either use them to get you a free skill point...or use them to climb the ladder of one of the hundreds of secondary statistics that are available to you.**

 **Secondary statistics:(engineering, cooking, unarmed combat, etc) mastery of these sub-skills come in two ways; gain experience points doing tasks specific to that sub-skill...or find 5 skill books that are related to that specific sub-skill.**

 **The levels of Sub-Skill mastery are:**

 **NOVICE(lowest)**

 **ADEQUATE**

 **CONSULTANT**

 **EXPERT**

 **MASTER(highest)**

Dipper noted this; after much thought...he decided to focus on his primary statistics...these Sub-skills he'd gain through grinding...which thanks to his primary statistics would become easier. So he just accepts the skill point. And the extra Intelligence point granted to him by his 'Hungry Bookworm' perk.

He quickly stuffs everything within the luggage(including the actually luggage bags) into his inventory...and then he finds something else...a page from Mable's diary(at least that's what the info says it is).

Dipper is reluctant to read it...but reminds himself that he's trying to prevent the apocalypse...he'd make it up to Mable later...

 _Dear Diary; I had that wonderful dream again! Where me and Dipper are grown up...sharing our parents house...living with both our spouses and our kids...all of us just living together forever!_

Dipper couldn't help but smile at Mable's child-like optimism...but still...now that he saw their future...it was clear she really thought this was a nice dream...instead of an impractical nightmare...

 **BEEP!**

Dipper jumped back as a new message appeared:

 **CRUEL OR KIND?**

 **Is it okay to be cruel to be kind?**

 **Is it alright to rob Peter to pay Paul?**

 **Greater men than you have been driven mad by these questions**

 **Scattered throughout the game will be many 'opportunities' to be 'Cruel or Kind' to Mable.**

 **Never forget; there is such a thing as 'too much of a good thing'! Moderation is key!**

 **Be too cruel...and your bound with Mable will be severed forever.**

 **But be too kind...and the bleak future you saw...will be a reality...**

 **no pressure!**

Dipper looked at the page...covered with heartfelt words...but also of a picture of a grownup Mable and Dipper...hugging happily inside a dream house...Or Mable's dream house anyway...

Dipper sighed...as sweet as it was...this wasn't the life for him...this dream of Mable's...was a bubble...a bubble that in her mind would never pop, where she would never need to grow up, and she and Dipper would be together forever...

But it wasn't his dream...he wanted his own life...he wanted to explore the world...he wanted to be independent...to discover the secrets of the weird and bizarre...to find OTHER people(who weren't related to him) who liked him for him(quirks and all)...maybe even love him...

Dipper shook his head...his decision was clear. He grabbed both ends of the page. _Sorry Mable...I still love you...but for both our sakes...you have to grow up...and let this dream die..._

 **RIP!**

…...

Mable pines Fell to her knees and clutched her heart. She didn't understand why...but it felt like a little bit of her had just died...and the world...the world looked less wonderful...

…...

Slenderman turned to the reader. **"** **Relax, I haven't taken her soul or life force or organs or whatever...she's just losing her innocence one piece at a time...that's all."** He said dismissively. **Well! Back to fracking up a 12 year old's life!...**

…...

 **SPLAT!**

"Bullseye!" Laughs a pirate, having unsuccessfully 'dropped his load' on a grumbling Dipper...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	3. HIATUS IS OVER!

**HELLO FAITHFUL READERS!**

As you know...New Years is here...which mean my year long hiatus from fanfiction will be over!

But here's the thing...this year I'm doing something different:

Although I'll be writing fanfiction again; it'll be more sporadic(I'm still giving priority to my REAL story). The stories I focus on will be sorta random...however. I'll be making challenge; to the people who participate in my 'Shake up the Falls' Story challenge.

Ex: If you were to to publish a chapter of my 'Shake up the falls' challenge before anyone else...I would let you pick the first three stories I would be continuing(if you wanted me to continue my 'Gamer of the Year' Story plus two others, I'd do that before anything else)

The details of my 'Shake up the Falls' story idea can be found on my profile.

P.S. Just to clarify; this is a CONTINUOUS arrangement, I'll be continuing stories in the order that a person finishes my challenge, this challenge won't stop after the first person dose it...it'll continue on after that...I'll also be publishing/updating an going on my own time table in the meantime

P.S.S. Reminder; all my stories are still up for adoption!(I'm not abandoning any...I'm simply giving you more options, if you think I'm going too slow). Multiple adoptions for a single story are still allowed!

Hope you had a merry Christmas...and that you have a Happy New Year!


	4. Chapter 4

**Gravity Falls: Game of the Year Edition ch. 4**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

Mable watched as Dipper FINALLY came to the Shack, she went to greet him- and immediately jumped back clutching her nose- "GAH! Dipper! You smell awful! What happened to you?"

Indeed, Dipper DID look like a train ran over him...also he was covered in pigeon and pirate feces...

Dipper glared at Mable, "You left me alone to carry all the luggage through an unfamiliar trek of wilderness! What do you think happened!?" Demanded Dipper through his well-rehearsed lie(in reality he'd spent the last hour trying to get to town, or the tree that held the journal...only to get an 'area not available until tutorial completion' message..that then dropped a cougar or bomb on him...).

 **Ding! Charisma check! 15/15 Pass! 10XP gained!**

 **Ding! New skill unlocked! Lying, Level 1!  
**

 **Lying: dude, it's lying. Do I seriously need to explain how this is useful?**

Mable suddenly looked guilty as she found herself believing Dipper's lie. "Oh...right...sorry about that." Dipper shrugged it off. "It's fine, forget it." He answered dismissively while hiding his amazed smirk at how easy that was. Oh yes, things were going to be different this time around...

"Hey kids! I'm your Grunkle- Yikes, kid what happened to you?" Asked Stan concerned. Dipper was too tired, injured and smelly to be happy to see his Grunkle Stan back...honestly, he just wanted to get the inevitable tutorial over with as soon as possible.

"I'm fine, Look I won't beat around the bush...do you have a list of menial and seemingly pointless tasks that I need to complete?"

Stan frowned as he reluctantly took out a list. "Well...yes, but you don't have to do them until-

"Look, let's just get this over with." Stated Dipper forlornly as he snatches the list from him and walks off-

 **DING! You've gotten your first missions! Their are several different types of missions:**

 **Main missions: Missions you need to complete in order to progress the story, these will be marked red**

 **Side Missions: missions that although optional, can give you much needed XP-points, items, and other prizes, these will be marked yellow.**

 **Relationship missions: Missions that will help you gain the love of that special someone(s), these will be marked pink.**

 **Secret missions:...these are off the beaten path and aren't marked at all...you have to find them to start them...**

 **Bonus missions: In the middle of the regular missions, optional requirements will pop up, if accomplished they will add to your rewards.**

Dipper ignores this message as he heads inside to begin...while his relatives look on with confused concern. "Uh...is that normal?" Asked Stan. "No?" Stated a weirded out Mable...

...

Dipper quickly searched the house and took everything of value into his inventory...he had to stop when Stan came inside to avert suspicion...eventually, he might explain what was happening to them...but only after he maxed out his Charisma, because he doubted they'd believe him(they never did in the past)...plus, he wouldn't put it past the programmer to put in a rule that prevents him from doing that-

 **DING! You are correct sir! You can only tell people who are part of your 'party'!**

 **Although your party can be as large as you wish...their are requirements they must abide by:**

 **1\. You have to gain a high enough level of trust**

 **2\. They have to willingly agree to be part of your party(Warning: Although you can tell them the 'truth' to convince them to join; if they refuse, their minds will be erased of all 'your world is a game' information)**

 **3\. This offer is not included to anyone who would remove most of your obstacles if informed, or anyone who's ignorance is integral to a game mechanic( FYI: This disqualifies Stan(due to the first reason) and Mable(due to the 'Cruel or kind' mechanic)...come on, you didn't think it make it easy for you, did you?**

 _"Yeah, that sounds about right."_ Thinks a resigned Dipper to himself as he quickly checks over his new loot-

 **DING! Gained Old men with gold chains weekly! Gain 1 skill point! Gain 1 intelligence point!**

 **DING! Gained Legal Loophole inquiry! Gain 1 skill point! Gain 1 Intelligence point!**

 **DING! Gained Conman: Jerks or misunderstood assistants toward natural selection? Gain 1 skill point! Gain 1 Intelligence point!**

Remembering the lesson he learned at the hands of the rabbit, Dipper quickly put the three spare skill points toward strength. He also get some more money...but more importantly, he got a page of the journal!

 **DING! You've found a journal page! These are scattered throughout Gravity Falls. Once you gain the corresponding Journal, you can play a mini-game to decipher it! Once deciphered, you can unlock secret missions, learn important Intel, schematics, recipes and even learn cheat codes! (Note: if your intelligence is high enough, you can bypass the journal...and perhaps even the mini-game!)**

 **DING! Warning: Encryption difficulty varies with each page, so even if your current 'intelligence'- and I use that term loosely -is by some miracle high enough to immediately unlock one, that doesn't mean that'll be the same for all-**

 **Dipper had barely finished absorbing this new information-**

 **DING! NEW Mission! Find all 3000 missing journal pages! Reward: 10xp per page, 10,000XP when completed, one instant level up, and (?)**

 **DING! BONUS MISSION! Decipher all 3000 missing journal pages! Reward: 10xp - 500xp(depending on difficulty) 100,000XP when completed, one instant level up, and (?)**

 **DING! NEW Mission! Find all 3 journals! Reward: 1,000,000xp per journal, 1,000,000,000xp when completed, one instant level up, and (?)  
**

 **DING! BONUS MISSION! (LOCKED)**

Dipper was a little concerned by the question marks and locked information...but he decided it was a moot point until the tutorial was over and he was allowed to access the area's where the journals lie...

He then goes to his first mission/chore; conveniently marked with a hovering red exclamation point-

 **DING! New mission! Cook the family a meal! Make 3 sets of perfect toast, perfect eggs, perfect bacon, perfect pancakes, and perfect OJ! REWARD: 10XP**

 **DING! WELCOME TO THE BORING WORLD OF CRAFTING! Be it potions, spells, contraptions, items, or food...nothing is so tediously boring as making them over and over again!**

 **Too bad that's exactly what you have to do now! Sucks to be you!**

 **Anyway; depending on your skills; a 'complete' crafting can fall into three categories:**

 **Failed: 'technically' you complete it, but it's either inedible,useless or broken...unless you want to poison someone or give them something that's guaranteed to get them killed- Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge -anyway, you can't complete any 'official' objectives with failed items(for now anyway)...and you'll only get a dismal amount of XP from making them.**

 **Adequate: you won't win any prizes, but it'll get the job done. Gain minimal XP.**

 **Perfect: You are the master- not really -beyond exceptional craftsmanship, gain maximum XP.**

Dipper smirked, the game probably thought it was fracking him over by making him be 'perfect' right out of the gate...but this worked great for him. This was the perfect opportunity to grind! Even if he 'failed' a thousand times..well, he still got XP! It would take awhile, but he'd level up in no time! better yet, he'd fill his inventory up with poison...Dipper smirked evilly...and he already had some ideas on who to use them on already...

...

Robbie, Gideon, Preston Northwest, and the Blind eye society all collectively gave a shudder...

...

 **Ding! Cooking, Level 2 reached!**

And so Dipper went on, deliberately botching the food. Watching as his XP and cooking skills gradually rose... Best of all, thanks to 'Gamer's mind' he never got tired or hungry...and years of gaming experience and long nights of study had given him the patience to handle menial tasks...Yep! Dipper Pines was taking this by storm! Even if he had to stay here for weeks!

...

WHY CAN'T WE LEAVE THE DINNING ROOM!?

Screamed Mable as she and her Grunkle Stan suddenly found themselves teleported into the Dinning Room and unable to leave...for days...

...…...

 **Current Stats:**

 **S: 13**

 **P: 0**

 **E: 10**

 **C: 20**

 **I: 25**

 **A: 0**

 **L: 20**

 **Perk points: 8**

 **Perks:**

 **The hungry Bookworm: gain one intelligence point for every Skill Book you read(this will be in addition to the skill point you already get from said book)...warning: you'll have an uncontrollable urge to eat the book after you finish with it.**

 **Vanna shake my pirate booty!: 10% increase in all Experience points gained finding loot, 65% increase in value on all loot you discover/steal and 95% more likely to find 'rare items' in monster gullets or buried treasure...warning: parrots and pirates will poop on you constantly...and you'll be #1 on every Ninja hit list.**

 **HEART OF A TRUE MAN:** **Gain 10 Endurance points! Gain 10 Strength points! Gain Gamers Body(you don't need food, water, toilet, or sleep! Like a real freak of a video game character!)! Gain Gamer mind(your now free from all 'emo' thoughts, your welcome!)**

 **Warning: Like a true man...you know inner-strength is all that matters...so of course you won't mind this perk shriveling your genitals to ridiculously tiny size! And ensuring a 100% chance of girls laughing at you if they see it! Nope! That doesn't bother you! Cause your a real man!...also, there'll be a 50/50 chance of Bigfoot attempting to kidnap you everyday!**

 **Secondary stats:**

 **Lying: level 1**

 **Cooking: level 2**

 **Journal pages: 1/3,000**

 **Journals: 0/3**

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	5. Chapter 5

**Gravity Falls: Game of the Year Edition ch. 5**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **DING! Cooking, level 100 reached!**

 **Ding! A Secondary statistic hit 100! Earn a skill point!**

 **Congratulations! You've earned the title 'Master Chef'! Can now craft any food you want, 100% of the time!**

 **reputation among craftsmen has also gone up!  
**

 **DING! Earned an achievement: The lock up your daughters, a poisoner is on the lose!**

 **Gain this by ruining 1,000,000 meals, Dude you suck...go jump up your butt and die.**

Dipper ignored the snide remark from yet another 'useless achievement', he was on a role! He'd wracked up so much XP- Gone up so many levels! After he'd gone up 5-10 levels he felt confident enough to end the mission and move on, he'd barely slapped the food down on the table, when he heard-

 **DING! Mission complete! 10xp gained!**

Dipper gave a whoop of joy, put his food into the box that represented his inventory and ran from the room eager to grind MORE!...so eager was he that he missed his starving relatives on the floor(he REALLY needs to bulk up on Perception points).

"..D..Dipper?" groaned Mable weakly as she desperately crawled to the smell of food...

...

 **DING! NEW MISSION! clean the basement of rats before they swarm the Shack! Reward; 100xp**

 **Objective: kill 100 rats**

 **DING! BONUS MISSION!**

 **Objective: kill 500 rats**

 **Objective: kill rat king**

Dipper smirked as he went to work...

DIE!

 **DING! New skill unlocked! Unarmed combat, Level 1!**

 **Unarmed combat: HA! HA! YES! YES! FANG AND FIRE! NO MERCY! THE NATURAL ORDER RESTORED! LET YOUR SPILLING BLOOD INSPIRE YOUR ENEMIES DANCE!...I KNOW I WILL BE!**

Die!

 **DING! Rat killed: Gain 1XP**

Your dead!

 **DING! Rat killed: Gain-**

Scream for me!

 **DING! Rat killed-**

DEATH FROM ABOVE!

 **DING! RAT-**

How's your sister!?

 **DING! I-**

Got your spleen!

 **DING! OH, forget it!**

Dipper ignored the snark, and the useless achievement he got for tying his shoes, he just kept wracking up Experience points...he paused at the writhing mass before him...the Rat king...just a slobbering, rabid, bloody mass of rats...their tails warped and blurred together...their eyes blood red, their bodies infested with fleas that were gnawing at their putrid flesh...

"Meh." Said an unimpressed Dipper who'd fought Bill himself as he stabbed them with a nearby random pointy stick-

 **DING! Critical Spleen hit!**

"GAH! MY SPLEEN!" Screamed The rat king as it went down...

 **DING! New skill unlocked! armed combat, Level 1!**

 **Armed combat: Why are you still talking to me? Go for the spleen! Go for the spleen! How do you expect me to complete my spleen collection otherwise?**

Dipper ignored this disturbing message as another screen popped up

 **Complete mission?**

 **Y/N?**

"Wait, I can choose to not complete missions?" Dipper smirked as he pressed 'N'

 **Mission fail!**

 **Restart mission, loser!**

Dipper laughed. "Oh, darn! Looks like I'll have to do the whole thing again...oh, how will I handle all the XP and levels added to my combat skills!?" Said Dipper in mock horror.

 **DING! New skill unlocked! Theatrics, level 1!**

 **Theatrics: ...become a Primadona and I'll crush you...**

Dipper just shrugged as he went ahead to 'fail' stopping the rats over and over-

...

WHERE DID ALL THESE RATS COME FROM!?

Shouted Mable as the 17th rat horde rose from the floor and tore into her-

PROTECT YOUR GENITALS!

Screams Stan right before their enveloped in a writing, biting mass...

...

 **DING! NEW MISSION! prune the vines covering the Shack. Reward; 100XP**

Dipper smirks as he begins some more grinding-

 **DING! New skill unlocked! Botany, level 1!**

 **Botany: So you know about plants, what do you want? a medal?**

He's thrown when he sees what appears to be a green plant...with eyes and a mouth? "Huh?"

 **Ptooie!**

Dipper cried out in pain as he was nicked by a pea that the plant just spat at him-

 **DING! New skill unlocked! Herbology, level 1!**

 **Herbology: basically magic botany...so slightly less boring...but only slightly...**

 **DING! NEW MISSION! COLLECT/CATALOGUE ALL THE CRAZY PLANTS THAT LIVE IN GRAVITY FALLS! Reward, 10xp-500xp per plant(depending on rarity/difficulty), instant level up, 1,000,000xp, (?)**

 **Objective: find...GAH, STUPID INTERNET! I just want to know the number of plants- NO, I don't want the almanac- BAH! I don't have time for this...**

 **Objective: Find (?) magic plants types, figure out how many on your own! Lazy twat!**

 **Objective: Catalogue and record them to prove they exist and your not a loony!(Disclaimer: this is just an objective description, we can't promise miracles...yah loon!)**

 **Objective: Collect Seeds from every magic plant types.**

Again, Dipper ignored the clearly unstable narrator to focus on the strange plant before him...he was amazed by it-

 **Ptooie!**

And almost got his head cracked open by another pea bullet-

Suddenly Dipper found himself in a 'Bullet-hell' mini-game...fortunately that was one of his specialty's-

 **DING! New skill unlocked! Sprinting, level 1!**

 **Sprinting: sprinting and computer games...not a great combo, huh tubby?**

 **DING! New skill unlocked! Dodging, level 1!**

 **Dodge: Seriously? I need to explain dodging?...you idiot.**

 **DING! New skill unlocked! Parkour, level 1!**

 **Parkour: ...just type up 'morons trying to get themselves killed' online and you'll find out what it means soon enough.**

Finally, Dipper successfully touched the plant-

 **DING!**

 **CATALOGUE SUCCESS!**

 **New entry in Database unlocked!**

 **Pea Shooter: How can a single plant grow and shoot so many peas so quickly? Peashooter says, "Hard work, commitment, and a healthy, well-balanced breakfast of sunlight and high-fiber carbon dioxide make it all possible."**

Dipper quickly killed the plant and harvested the seeds...he then moved on to the rest of the plants on the Shack...

...

Mable cautiously walked out of the Shack. "Uh...Dipper? You out here? I think something Cray-Cray is going on around her-

 **CRASH!**

A Wall-Nut falls right on top of her...she groans. "You know what...I'll look for you later!" She shouts as she drags her aching body back into the house...to cower in fear...

...

 **DING! NEW MISSION! Clean Stan's Bathroom. Reward, 100XP**

 **DING! New skill unlocked! Toxicology, level 1!**

 **DING! Toxicology, Level 2 reached!**

 **DING! Toxicology, Level 3 reached!**

 **DING! Toxicology, Level 4 reached!**

 **DING! Toxicology, Level 5 reached!**

 **DING! Toxicology, Level 6 reached!**

 **DING! Toxicology, Level 7 reached!**

"Wow, I Haven't even done anything yet." Said a disgusted Dipper as he looked toward Grunkle Stan's bathroom, and tried not to gag on the fumes while his Toxicology leveled up every second...

...

"WHY CAN'T WE USE THE RESTROOM!?"

Screamed Mable and Stan as they found an invisible barrier preventing them from going to ANY of the Bathrooms in the Shack...

And when they tired to leave this madhouse-

 **CRASH!**

Stan's truck crushed into ANOTHER Invisible barrier preventing them from leaving the property.

"Is this...hell?" Squeaked a sobbing Mable as she rocked back and forth...

...

 **DING! NEW MISSION! Do Stan's Taxes**

 **DING! New skill unlocked! Mathematics, level 1!**

 **Mathematics: ...kill me now...**

 **DING! New skill unlocked! Calligraphy, level 1!**

 **Calligraphy: Oh for the love of- It's how good you are at writing! What is with the 'fancy' definition, I mean come on!**

 **DING! New skill unlocked! Bullshitting, level 1!**

 **Bullshitting: Your ass is jealous of the amount of shit that comes out of your mouth, but what else is new?...in all seriousness this is just a vulgar way of saying how good you are at 'bluffing'**

 **DING! New skill unlocked! Blackmail, level 1!**

 **Blackmail: Ex: you keep me entertained, or I kill your family. Blackmail in it's simplicity.**

 **DING! New skill unlocked! politics, level 1!**

 **Politics: To put it bluntly; how well you are at navigating the shark-tank your 'leaders' call 'life'.**

 **DING! New skill unlocked! Lie detection, level 1!**

 **Lie detection: oh, wow 'Lie detection'- Yeah, big mystery what that could mean...moron...**

"Suddenly, I'm very terrified of becoming an adult." Thought Dipper as he saw all the skills he needed to finish the FIRST page of Stan's taxes...

...

Stan and Mable groaned as they lie battered and bloody on the floor...that was the 15th time today the taxmen had come to 'encourage' them to pay their taxes...

...

 **DING! NEW MISSION! Clean up the attic/future room.**

"Uh...Soos? Why is their a family of possums under the bed?"

"I call the big one Bitey." Said Soos in his first/second to last line in the entire tutorial.

 **DING! New skill unlocked! Zoology, level 1!**

 **Zoology: It's about animals! What more do you want?**

It took some time, but Dipper FINALLY cleared them out. "So long Bitey!" Shouts a now very chewed up Dipper as he tossed the fairly large possum out.

Soos suddenly appeared behind him. "Wha? Oh, no- That wasn't Bitey...THAT'S Bitey." Said Soos pointing.

A suddenly very frightened Dipper turned around in the direction that Soos was pointing...And saw a giant, glowing, rabid possum.

...Dipper shrugged. "Meh, still beats fighting Bill." And he goes to work-

 **DING! New skill unlocked! Magizoology, level 1!**

 **Magizoology: It's about MAGIC animals! How was that not clear, Einstein?**

...

Mable dose nothing...she simply lays down in a Troubled Fetal Position and goes to 'Sweatertown'...as the horde of possums descend on her...

...

 **DING! NEW MISSION! Fix Stan's Truck!**

 **Objectives: Fix Stan's car**

 **Objectives: find out why it crashed**

...later...

 **Science, level 200 reached!**

 **Mechanics, level 150 reached!**

 **physics, level 85 reached!**

 **Chemistry, level 55 reached!**

 **Forensic, level 2 reached!**

Dipper sighed at the last stat. His high intelligence points and experience had helped him grind up these skills rather quickly through his constant deliberately failing and restarting this mission...but you could only conclude 'Stan's car crashed into the AI wall trying to get away so many times before it stopped giving you XP...

Still, he was doing good. He kept grinding all the missions hundreds of times until they refused to cough up anymore points! He could do this forever with no consequence-

 **"DIPPER!"**

Suddenly several dozen pounds of sweater crashed into him. "DIPPER! (Sob) Where have you been!? (sniff) Today has been the worst! (weep) I keep getting beaten, bitten, or burnt! (sob) The sun won't set no matter how much time passes! We can't go anywhere! I'm scared Dipper!"

 _"Okay...maybe ONE consequence."_ Thought Dipper to himself as he comforted his freaked out sister...

...

Slenderman examines Dipper's current stats...

 **Current Stats:**

 **Primary Stats:**

 **S: 130(+100)**

 **P: 100**

 **E: 110(+100)**

 **C: 200**

 **I: 250**

 **A: 100**

 **L: 200**

 **Perk points: 102**

 **Perks:**

 **The hungry Bookworm: gain one intelligence point for every Skill Book you read(this will be in addition to the skill point you already get from said book)...warning: you'll have an uncontrollable urge to eat the book after you finish with it.**

 **Vanna shake my pirate booty!: 10% increase in all Experience points gained finding loot, 65% increase in value on all loot you discover/steal and 95% more likely to find 'rare items' in monster gullets or buried treasure...warning: parrots and pirates will poop on you constantly...and you'll be #1 on every Ninja hit list.**

 **HEART OF A TRUE MAN: Gain 10 Endurance points! Gain 10 Strength points! Gain Gamer's Body(you don't need food, water, toilet, or sleep! Like a real freak of a video game character!)! Gain Gamer mind(your now free from all 'emo' thoughts, your welcome!)**

 **Warning: Like a true man...you know inner-strength is all that matters...so of course you won't mind this perk shriveling your genitals to ridiculously tiny size! And ensuring a 100% chance of girls laughing at you if they see it! Nope! That doesn't bother you! Cause your a real man!...also, there'll be a 50/50 chance of Bigfoot attempting to kidnap you everyday!**

 **Silent but listening: Gain experience of learning another language just by hearing people speak it! Or Read it!(only get half of XP for doing the later)**

 **A new glowing dawn: Impending nuclear holocaust got you down? With this perk you gain instant immunity to radiation! Gain 100 levels in secondary statistic 'Radiobiology', also temporarily gain an extra 100 endurance points whenever hit by a curse or poison, will also gain a temporary 100 strength point whenever your about to be crushed to death**

 **Warning: Will also permanently turn you into a giant, feral cockroach monster that eats garbage, human flesh and little girls who's name rhymes with 'Table'(especially that last one).**

 **Update: The negative consequences of this perk have been negated by the perk 'power to the people'**

 **POWER TO THE PEOPLE! For the cost of 5 perk points, this perk can be used to negate the negative consequences of ONE perk you have already selected.**

 **Warning: after use, this perk will no longer be available on the perk menu...but it can be found out in the world...good hunting!**

 **Secondary stats:**

 **Lying: level 175**

 **Cooking: level 100**

 **Unarmed combat: Level 525**

 **Armed combat: Level 275**

 **Theatrics: Level 15**

 **Bullshiting: Level 125**

 **Blackmail: Level 95**

 **Lie detection: Level 75**

 **Politics: Level 55**

 **Science: level 200**

 **Mechanics: level 150**

 **physics: level 85**

 **Chemistry: level 55**

 **Forensic: level 2**

 **Mathematics: level 300**

 **Sprinting: level 200**

 **Dodging: 250**

 **Parkour: 25**

 **Radiobiology: 100**

 **Botany: 200**

 **Herbology: 250**

 **Toxicology: 2000**

 **Janitorial work: 3000(from cleaning Stan's bathroom)**

 **Calligraphy: 50**

 **Zoology: 150**

 **Magizoology: 200**

 **Journal pages: 1/3,000**

 **Journals: 0/3**

 **Plant types found: (?)/5**

 **Plants types catalogued: (?)/5**

 **Plants seed types collected: (?)/5**

 **Titles:**

 **Learned Liar: Increased reputation among criminals, merchants, and politicians**

 **Master Chef** **: Increased reputation among craftsmen, and merchants  
**

 **Puglistics expert: Increased reputation among warriors**

 **Armament king: Increased reputation among warriors**

 **Sherif of Bullshit: Increased reputation among criminals, Merchants and politicians**

 **Scientist Supreme: Increased reputation among the intellectuals**

 **Maestro of mechanics** **: Increased reputation among the Craftsmen, and merchants  
**

 **The Major of Mathematics** **: Increased reputation among intellectuals  
**

 **All-star Sprinter** **: Increased reputation among Athletes and warriors  
**

 **Duke of Dodge** **: Increased reputation among Athletes and warriors  
**

 **Czar of Radiation** **: Increased reputation among Intellectuals and medics  
**

 **Botany lord** **: Increased reputation among plants, plant-like creatures, medics and intellectuals  
**

 **Minister of herbology** **: Increased reputation among magic Plants, plant-like creatures, medics and intellectuals  
**

 **Toxicology Tyrant** **: Increased reputation among janitors, medics, intellectuals, ninja, criminals, pirates, politicians, merchants and assassins  
**

 **Judge of Janitors** **: Increased reputation among janitors and criminals  
**

 **Sultan of Zoo's** **: Increased reputation among animals, Cryptids, Medics and intellectuals  
**

 **Regent of Magizoology** **: Increased reputation among Cryptids, medics and intellectuals  
**

...

 **"Wow...Okay...unbelievable! The tutorial isn't even half-way done yet and he's already RIDICULOUSLY overpowered!...If I don't do something quick...this will get REALLY boring!"**

Slenderman sighs...he REFUSED to do a 'bag of spilling' or 'brought down to normal'...it completely went against his belief of 'earning your happy ending'...more importantly, he was SICK of all those reset button/deus ex machina/victory guided amnesia cliches...they were overdone and frankly it just seemed like lazy writing to him...he KNEW he could do better!

 **"Can't let things stand as they are...but don't want to ruin his progress...so where dose that leave me?" Finally, he just claps his hands- "FRACK IT! I'll just crank out some crappy DLC's, give the whole thing one big Cerberus retcon!"**

Slenderman laughed as he reached into the multi-verse...and proceeded to rip apart entire universes! Entire worlds burned just so he could grab the occasional odd and end...and input it into the 'Gravity Falls: Game of the Year' universe.

Slenderman laughed as he dumped a huge vat of Cerberus Syndrome into it...he then began to download his newly forged DLC'S-

 **Shapshifters Revenge DLC...Downloading...**

 **Return of the ninja DLC...Downloading...**

 **Revenge of the Forgotten DLC...Downloading...**

 **Day of the Devourer DLC...Downloading...**

 **Elements of power DLC...Downloading...**

 **Reboot the mother of all broads DLC...Downloading...**

 **The Magic comes back DLC...Downloading...**

 **The Roadtrip to Hell is paved with good intentions DLC...Downloading...**

 **Northwest Conspiracy DLC...Downloading...**

 **Dig that Dino DLC...Downloading...**

While this is happening...Slenderman adds his own 'personal' touches. With a snap of his fingers he's suddenly towering over Gravity Falls. **"Silly boy...I am the Architect of your reality-** He swirls his hands over all, causing the very infrastructure of reality to warp and change- **"I build what I want-** He molds the sky until several 'things' appear...then he shifts them deep below Gravity Falls- **And I destroy what I want!"** He brings down his fist, destroying Piedmont and all who dwell their as easy as squashing an ant. **"And your Bravado...means NOTHING!"**

He quickly goes to work. **"Delete all safety features! set difficulty from normal to hard- then crank it up to NIGHTMARE! AND THEN TO ELEVEN! All warm-up bosses and joke villains are hereby terminated!"** He reaches down to pick up a surprised chubby white-haired boy in his palm. **"Sorry Gideon, I did like you in 'Hand that rocked the Mable', Dreamscapers, Gideon rising, Stanchurian candidate and to a lesser extent Weridmagedon...but let's be honest- besides that, you were a CLOWN!"** He crushes him to dust! He then brings up a cowering Jeff...Slenderman is about to crush him too...but then pauses... **"You know what?...I might actually still have a use for you."** He then erases Jeff's memory and sends him back- " **All you other clowns, Shoo! It's time we REALLY heat things up!"** His laughter echos throughout existence...

...…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	6. Chapter 6

**Gravity Falls: Game of the Year Edition ch. 6**

 **I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!**

...

 **AN: Chapter collaborated by Wolvenstrom**

...

 **AN: P.S. I'm always open for suggestions about cheats, cheat codes, game mechanics, levels, missions, mini-games, perks, achievements, grinds and any other game related ideas for this story!**

...

 **DING! earned 'For the greater good' Achievement- Congratulations! You suddenly remembered your relatives are actual people and not video game sprites, and decided in your 'boundless grace' to set them free instead of leaving them to die while you sapped all the fun out of the game by abusing the f**king tutorial.**

 **Reward: Gain 10% more XP on missions that do not give items or money (or) can choose to forego money and items in missions in exchange for 25% extra XP.**

Dipper glared at the message for the hundredth time. "Great, so on top of being a sociopath. The person who controls this game is also a hypocrite."

Indeed, no sooner had he decided to breeze through the rest of the tutorial for Mable's peace of mind- thus earning the achievement -when...

...30 hours ago...

Dipper ignored the message congratulating him for earning a achievement(he'd been mostly ignoring them since the 'achievement' he earned tying his shoe) as he comforted a sobbing and freaked out Mable. _"Well that settles that then...no matter how important grinding is...It's not more important then Mable or Stan's well being...regardless of how mixed my feelings are toward Mable right now...she doesn't deserve this!...or at least...she doesn't deserve to suffer for something she hasn't technically done yet!"_ He reasoned to himself!

 **Ding! Intelligence check! Way to reason out that ethical dilemma. 5/5 pass! 5XP gained!**

Dipper frowned at that, _"Huh...so I can gain xp through intelligence by reasoning with myself? I wonder if I can do that for other_ \- He shook his head, he'd think about that latter! Right now he needed to get through this tutorial as quickly as possible and-

"What's happening with the plants!?" Demanded Mable suddenly. Dipper looked over and sure enough, the nearby bush had just launched itself into the air...and was now hovering? And then Stan's car had just flipped over and seemed to disappear through the driveway, without having any effect on the driveway itself-

Dipper paled, he'd recognize this anywhere- The bane of all videogame enthusiasts! "THE GAME IS GLITCHING!" He screamed.

Mable looked at him puzzled, "Dipper what are you- Dipper wasn't listening, he had a crazy idea to protect Mable- Before she could protest, he pulled out the box that represented his inventory and shoved her safely inside- "Dipper! Call an ambulance, something is wrong with my mouth!" Shouted Grunkle Stan- indeed his mouth and voice were now acting like a poorly edited Japanese dub -as he ran toward him. Without a word, Dipper tripped the panicked Stan into the box and pushed him the rest of the way in.

And not a moment too soon! The whole world collapses, with a bunch of obnoxious computer signals buzzing through the air like angry bees. Dipper could feel the blood pour from his ears as he covered them in agony...and finally...it stopped.

 **DING! Server down for patch. We appreciate your patience- or we would if you had a choice, but you don't HA! -Would you like to read the patch notes? Y, N?**

Dipper groaned but pressed Y. The more he knew, the better.

 **(Patch 0.1) Easy difficulty and all other lesser difficulties deleted, game now permanently fixed on highest difficulty. The following DLC's have been downloaded for FREE! Isn't that nice of us?**

Dipper groaned, "This must be retaliation for how I've been racking up serious levels...I guess it Makes sense. My life's a game, it's only logical that whoever made it that way can ramp up the difficulty. I guess you wouldn't want to watch someone on new game plus play on easy mode after all...doesn't make it any less irritating."

He reads over the DLC's and pales...the Shapeshifter and the Northwest's...that definitely did not sound good...the Dino dig and Roadtrip were pretty self-explanatory...he had no clue about the others..but they didn't sound good...especially that 'Devourer' one.

Before Dipper could read anymore of the patch notes in more detail about what had been 'changed'...the message popped out, the glitches vanished and the world returned to(more or less) normal.

"Huh, that was quick." Noted Dipper surprised. But he shrugged and reached in to bring his relatives back out of his inventory-

 **DING! Now is not the time for that! These Objects will be only available AFTER the Tutorial is complete!**

An invisible Slenderman savored the orchestra of curses and swears Dipper was now letting out...

...

After Dipper's tirade, he calmed down...a message then explained that after his relatives had been brought out, they would have no memory of their time in their or indeed of even being put in their...they would still remember their numerous trauma's BEFORE that though...and the of course the whole while their stuck in inventory they will have a massive anxiety attack...unable to find anything or anyone, lost forever in the darkness, unable to even KILL themselves to end the nightmare- thanks to the stasis -no mater how many dozens of times they tried-

Dipper quickly ended the message...he was already in tears...the next message didn't help either.

 **DING! Don't think I didn't see what you did, exploiting a game mechanic to save your relatives in a creative way- You cheater!...good job!**

 **In fact,You've pleased me so well, that from now on: Whenever you 'cheat' in a creative way. You'll be rewarded with one intelligence point! And considering that I've seriously Butt-fracked your next mission...I'll even include this one-time reward of this 'power to the people' perk! (This is a one time thing, mind you! You have to get down and dirty, wade in the blood of the innocent! AND TORTURE THEIR CHILDREN TO FIND MORE!...or you could just amuse me again...I'm cool with whatever)**

Dipper ignored that last disturbing part and focused on the ' Butt-fracked your next mission' bit...he turned around to the LAST tutorial mission...that was currently locked?!

 **DING! Were not sorry for the inconvenience! It will take many hours to delete this missions 'Tutorial' easy setting...and replace it with a 'don't even bother, just shot yourself in the head' hard setting.**

Dipper let lose another smaller tirade...but he quickly calmed himself...and resolved to make the most of this HORRIBLE situation... and finish raiding the house for any collectibles/loot...and GRIND until the mission was accessible again.

First he looked through his perks. He ignored the new 'ability to jump up your own but and die' perk , or the 'lick your elbow' perk, and especially not the 'Pee whenever/whatever you want' perk!

He then found the familiar 'pyro maniac' perk. He bought it and quickly used 'Power to the people' to negate it's negative consequences-

 **Ding! New skill unlocked! Pryromancy, level 100!**

 **Pyromancy: Ah...if there's a better feeling than burning those you hate from a distance with magic...then I've probably already killed it!**

 **DING! Increase reputation with Cryptids and magical's**

 **Ding! New skill unlocked! Remomancy, level 1!**

 **Remomancy: Basically how good you are manipulating elemental magic...what? Can't I do one without a snarky comeback?...jerk.**

 **DING! Congratulations! You've unlocked your magic before Season 2! And now you have ultimate power!...PSYCH!**

 **Yeah, like I'd do that! Sorry boy but you may got some 'magic'...but I got the power!**

 **But first an explanation; The depth of your magic reserves are based on the following equation:**

 **I(intelligence) X E(endurance) + pb/eb(perk bonus or equipment bonus)**

 **Now ordinarily such a high score like yours would give you a lot of reserves...but what have we here!?**

 **DING! Defects activated!**

 **Noodle Arm defect: Your a wuss! -100 strength and -100 endurance until you complete 10 missions!**

 **Social outcast defect: Your a loser! -100 Charisma until you complete 10 missions!**

 **Beta Twin defect: Sucks to be the inferior twin! -10 in all primary statistics until you complete 10 missions...or until you get Mable or world to agree your the alpha twin...their might be a special prize in it if you do the latter option...**

 **Mr. Unlucky defect: Let's face it, your sister always got everything and you got squat! Sucks to be you, loser! -100 luck until you complete 10 missions!**

 **Ding! Defects: Be it curses, natural limitations, self-imposed limitations, or just that you suck...these are assigned 'weaknesses' that won't go away until certain conditions are meet.**

 **Primary Stats:**

 **S: 130(+100)(+100)(-100)(-10)**

 **P: 100(-10)**

 **E: 110(+100)(+100)(-100)(-10)**

 **C: 200(-100)(-10)**

 **I: 251(-10)**

 **A: 100(-10)**

 **L: 200(-10)(-100)**

Dipper couldn't believe it...suddenly he felt weaker and dumber...all his hard work...reversed...Which no doubt, would make the one already impossibly HARD mission he needed to complete to free his family even more difficult!

Fortunately, having already gone through a whole summer- or indeed a whole life of constant failures and setbacks...Dipper was quick to adapt.

"Fine...you want to play rough?! I'll play rough! I'll just grind up my primary statistic enough where these 'defects' don't matter! Why not!? Thanks to you, I have ALL THE FRACKING TIME IN THE WORLD!" Fueled by righteous fury...Dipper dose just that...

...

Dipper quickly assessed the situation and looked through his statistics/inventory to see what he could still use...and that's when he found 'reputation'.

Dipper suspected that 'reputation' meant 'how much certain factions/people like/trust you'...a quick look at the guide revealed he was right. It also showed that every time any of his secondary statistics(which thankfully were still unaffected by defects...for now) hit the 100, 200, 300, etc mark, his reputation with the factions those skills most affected would go up...

True, he doubted that any of this would be useful until AFTER he was free to leave the Shack's grounds...but still...it was SOMETHING.

Before anything else, he searched the place. With Grunkle Stan gone he was free to search to his hearts content. Naturally the first place he checked was the secret passageway behind the vending machine.

Since he still remembered the pass code from last time, it was a cinch to open it-

 **DING! Secret discovered! 10XP gained!**

 **DING! NEW AREA UNLOCKED! 10XP Gained!**

 **DING! Secret mission discovered! 10XP Gained!**

 **DING! SECRET MISSION: (locked until the end of tutorial)**

Naturally Dipper immediately searched for the journal...sadly-

 **Come on! You didn't think I'd make it that easy, did you?**

Said the note in an outline in the dust that clearly showed where Journal #1 SHOULD be...This disturbed Dipper...clearly, he couldn't COMPLETELY rely on his memories of the first time around to help him here...

Dipper shook those thoughts away, he'd worry about that later. Right now he needed to focus on finding the journal! Now his experience of videogames told him that these kind of situations usually lead to a 'whodunit'/clue finding mystery-

 **Ding! Intelligence check! You guessed it! 5/5 pass! 5XP gained!**

...Dipper brushes this message aside and quickly used his forensic skills to search for possible clues of the journals whereabouts...

 **DING! NEW MISSION! Find 2 clues to Journal #1 whereabouts. Rewards; 100xp, gain 5 forensic levels**

 **DING! BONUS MISSION! Find 1 additional clue. Rewards; 100xp, gain 5 forensic levels**

"A-HA!" Shouted Dipper triumphantly as he found a small piece of paper wedged into the floor boards...the paper turned out to be a pawn ticket from a...Mr. Vulgrim? The rest of the ticket was too smudged out to make out anything more...

Dipper then used his nose the same way he used it to sniff out the breakfast on Mable's breath...and then he found out...most of the dirt on the ground clearly belonged to Stan's shoes or the Shack grounds...but this patch of dirt...smelled different...

 **Ding! Perception check! You guessed it! 50/50 pass! 100XP gained!**

Dipper looked at the sudden surge of XP befuddled, but then shook it off...it WAS weird skill to have after all...

Dipper frowned...he'd smelled this type of mud before..but where? When that gnome had slammed him into the ground and chipped his tooth? ...No, too pungent... The time that Yeti had thrown him into the compost heap? ...No, this was less slimy... When that manitour made him eat dirt?... YES! BINGO! Where had that been? Yes, the old oak tree!

 **Ding! Intelligence check! You guessed it! 50/50 pass! 100XP gained!**

 **DING! NEW AREA UNLOCKED! 10XP Gained!**

 **DING! Forensics, level 3 reached!**

Dipper frowned...another message had popped up asking if he wanted to end the mission...but there was still one more clue...knowing his luck he'd need all the help he could get!

He searched all over the portal room...he found more money...he found over 10 skill books, after the 'hungry bookworm' perk gives 10 points to his intelligence, he puts the other 10 skill points into Endurance.

Dipper takes a breath of fresh air in relief...at least now he no longer felt like he'd collapse any second in exhaustion. More importantly, now he could practice with his new-found magic!

But he put that aside for now...especially when he found four new journal pages! Hoping that maybe deciphering them would give him some clue to the journals whereabouts!

Although his intelligence score was high enough where he didn't need a journal to decipher them...it still didn't seem to be high enough where he could avoid the mini-game.

It was weird...the first four was just deciphering familiar codes like Caesar, Atbash, and Vigenère...but the last one was peculiar. He had to guide a pencil around a rectangular playfield with a background designed to look like brown paper. He use this pencil to mark out areas by drawing rectangles with it. Each time he completes a rectangle, inside it the background disappears and an image of a journal page appears beneath it. While trying to complete the image within a time limit, he had to dodge two kinds of enemies. Scissors travel around the border and the lines Jimmy draws; erasers travel across all unrevealed areas in diagonal lines. If either kind hits either the cursor or any part of an uncompleted rectangle, Dipper loses one of his allotted min-game lives.

Fortunately, the enemies weren't that fast or numerous, also it seemed he only needed to get 80% of the image revealed. Although Dipper was relieved...he had a feeling that it would only get more difficult from here...

Dipper was about to continue his search...when a thought occurred to him as he looked at the pencil he'd used for the mini-game...he then looked at the pawn ticket...

"Huh...I wonder..." Thought Dipper to himself as he used a trick he learned from his various mystery novels...by using the side of the lead on the pawn ticket...he found a message from the indentations...

 **REMEMBER: PASSWORD IS 'GREED'**

 **DING! Mission COMPLETE! 200XP GAINED!**

 **DING! Forensics, level 13 reached!**

 **DING! NEW MISSION! Go to the old oak tree and-(warning, mission is locked until the tutorial ends!)**

Dipper shrugs that off, he'd worry about that latter. Now he looks through the deciphered journal pages...unfortunately, these were all pages he'd already seen during the first time he'd had them. The location of the manitour cave, the secret cave behind the waterfall, the location of the size-altering crystals...true the XP he got for learning secrets and unlocking new areas was nice...but this was all information he already knew...

Dipper just brushed this off though...it was time to stop putting off the thing he'd been dreading...the most difficult decision he'd probably ever have to face...

Dipper Pines then turned to the portal machine...which had both brought Grunkle Ford's salvation...and the death of all of Dipper's loved one's...

 **...**

 **Current Stats:**

 **Primary Stats:**

 **S: 130(+100)(+100)(-100)(-10)**

 **P: 100(-10)**

 **E: 120(+100)(+100)(-100)(-10)**

 **C: 200(-100)(-10)**

 **I: 261(-10)**

 **A: 100(-10)**

 **L: 200(-10)(-100)**

 **Perk points: 103**

 **Perks:**

 **The hungry Bookworm: gain one intelligence point for every Skill Book you read(this will be in addition to the skill point you already get from said book)...warning: you'll have an uncontrollable urge to eat the book after you finish with it.**

 **Vanna shake my pirate booty!: 10% increase in all Experience points gained finding loot, 65% increase in value on all loot you discover/steal and 95% more likely to find 'rare items' in monster gullets or buried treasure...warning: parrots and pirates will poop on you constantly...and you'll be #1 on every Ninja hit list.**

 **HEART OF A TRUE MAN: Gain 10 Endurance points! Gain 10 Strength points! Gain Gamer's Body(you don't need food, water, toilet, or sleep! Like a real freak of a video game character!)! Gain Gamer mind(your now free from all 'emo' thoughts, your welcome!)**

 **Warning: Like a true man...you know inner-strength is all that matters...so of course you won't mind this perk shriveling your genitals to ridiculously tiny size! And ensuring a 100% chance of girls laughing at you if they see it! Nope! That doesn't bother you! Cause your a real man!...also, there'll be a 50/50 chance of Bigfoot attempting to kidnap you everyday!**

 **Silent but listening: Gain experience of learning another language just by hearing people speak it! Or Read it!(only get half of XP for doing the later)**

 **A new glowing dawn: Impending nuclear holocaust got you down? With this perk you gain instant immunity to radiation! Gain 100 levels in secondary statistic 'Radiobiology', also temporarily gain an extra 100 endurance points whenever hit by a curse or poison, will also gain a temporary 100 strength point whenever your about to be crushed to death**

 **Warning: Will also permanently turn you into a giant, feral cockroach monster that eats garbage, human flesh and little girls who's name rhymes with 'Table'(especially that last one).**

 **Update: The negative consequences of this perk have been negated by the perk 'power to the people'**

 **Pyro maniac: BURN YOUR ENEMIES! Gain instant level 100 Pyromancy, temporary +100 Endurance whenever attacked by fire damage, and +100 to strength whenever inflicting fire damage on an enemy...warning: 75% chance of killing yourself and allies**

 **Update: The negative consequences of this perk have been negated by the perk 'power to the people'**

 **POWER TO THE PEOPLE! For the cost of 5 perk points, this perk can be used to negate the negative consequences of ONE perk you have already selected.**

 **Warning: after use, this perk will no longer be available on the perk menu...but it can be found out in the world...good hunting!**

 **'For the greater good' Achievement- Congratulations! You suddenly remembered your relatives are actual people and not video game sprites, and decided in your 'boundless grace' to set them free instead of leaving them to die while you sapped all the fun out of the game by abusing the f**king tutorial.**

 **Reward: Gain 10% more XP on missions that do not give items or money (or) can choose to forego money and items in missions in exchange for 25% extra XP.**

 **Secondary stats:**

 **Lying: level 175**

 **Cooking: level 100**

 **Unarmed combat: Level 525**

 **Armed combat: Level 275**

 **Theatrics: Level 15**

 **Bullshiting: Level 125**

 **Blackmail: Level 95**

 **Lie detection: Level 75**

 **Politics: Level 55**

 **Science: level 200**

 **Mechanics: level 150**

 **physics: level 85**

 **Chemistry: level 55**

 **Forensic: level 13**

 **Mathematics: level 300**

 **Sprinting: level 200**

 **Dodging: level 250**

 **Parkour: level 25**

 **Radiobiology: level 100**

 **Botany: level 200**

 **Herbology: level 250**

 **Toxicology: level 2000**

 **Janitorial work: level 3000**

 **Calligraphy: level 50**

 **Zoology: level 150**

 **Magizoology: level 200**

 **Pyromancy: level 100**

 **Remomancy: level 1**

 **Journal pages: 5/3,000**

 **Journals: 0/3**

 **Plant types found: 5/182**

 **Plants types catalogued: 5/182**

 **Plants seed types collected: 5/182**

 **Titles:**

 **Learned Liar: Increased reputation among criminals, merchants, and politicians**

 **Master Chef: Increased reputation among craftsmen, and merchants**

 **Puglistics expert: Increased reputation among warriors**

 **Armament king: Increased reputation among warriors**

 **Sherif of Bullshit: Increased reputation among criminals, Merchants and politicians**

 **Scientist Supreme: Increased reputation among the intellectuals**

 **Maestro of mechanics: Increased reputation among the Craftsmen, and merchants**

 **The Major of Mathematics: Increased reputation among intellectuals**

 **All-star Sprinter: Increased reputation among Athletes and warriors**

 **Duke of Dodge: Increased reputation among Athletes and warriors**

 **Czar of Radiation: Increased reputation among Intellectuals and medics**

 **Botany lord: Increased reputation among plants, plant-like creatures, medics and intellectuals**

 **Minister of herbology: Increased reputation among magic Plants, plant-like creatures, medics and intellectuals**

 **Toxicology Tyrant: Increased reputation among janitors, medics, intellectuals, ninja, criminals, pirates, politicians, merchants and assassins**

 **Judge of Janitors: Increased reputation among janitors and criminals**

 **Sultan of Zoo's: Increased reputation among animals, Cryptids, Medics and intellectuals**

 **Regent of Magizoology: Increased reputation among Cryptids, medics and intellectuals**

 **Prince of Pyro's: Increase reputation with Cryptids and magicals**

 **Defects:**

 **Noodle Arm defect: Your a wuss! -100 strength and -100 endurance until you complete 9 missions!**

 **Social outcast defect: Your a loser! -100 Charisma until you complete 9 missions!**

 **Beta Twin defect: Sucks to be the inferior twin! -10 in all primary statistics until you complete 9 missions...or until you get Mable or world to agree your the alpha twin...their might be a special prize in it if you do the latter option...**

 **Mr. Unlucky defect: Let's face it, your sister always got everything and you got squat! Sucks to be you, wuss! -100 luck until you complete 9 missions!**

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: So what do you guys think? What should Dipper do with the portal?**

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	7. Chapter 7

**Gravity Falls: Game of the Year Edition ch. 7**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **AN: Chapter collaborated by Wolvenstrom, NyaNyaKittyFace, and The Howling Behemoth**

...

 **AN: P.S. I'm always open for suggestions about cheats, cheat codes, game mechanics, levels, missions, mini-games, perks, achievements, grinds, boss fights, secrets, Dungeons, 'Cruel or Kind' Scenarios and any other game related ideas for this story!**

...

As Dipper approached the portal..he wondered frantically how he was going to go about this...Ford had explained to him how close he was at killing Bill before being forced to abort and get to the portal to keep Bill from coming to his world...Dipper knew he should put the needs of the many ahead of the few...but to PURPOSELY leave his Grunkle Ford stranded...maybe forever? Dipper wasn't sure-

 **DING! NEW MISSION! Destroy portal or fix it?**

Dipper frowned as he found a nearby wrench and raised it to begin smashing...then he remembered something...

"Wait, didn't Ford tell me about an alternate world...where he and Mcgucket figured out a way to fix the portal that didn't allow Bill to escape...could I...could I do that here?"

 **Ding! Intelligence check! You found a third path! 100/100 pass! 200XP gained!**

 **DING! SECRET/BONUS MISSION! Get the best of both worlds! Fix the portal to bring Ford back AND prevent Bill from using this portal for his plans!**

 **DING! Secret mission discovered! 10XP Gained!**

Dipper was flabbergasted! His idea, worked!? he suppressed the joy he was feeling, to take a look at the requirements...which were MANY:

 **REQUIREMENTS: Gain all three journals (0/3), Spend 1,000,000.66$ to fix it, increase intelligence level to 600, and beat all 10 dungeon Dimensions!**

Dipper smirked...he got a feeling the first requirement would be hard...but as for the last two? Grinding and Dungeon-crawling was his forte!

He quickly read up on the rewards:

 **Rewards: 1,000,000,000XP, Bill Cipher will lose ability to gain access to portal or use it to create a rift for him to exploit, gain Ford Pines as an ally, Ford will be allowed the time he needs to do critical damage to Bill before rescue(No death for finall Boss allowed!...like I'd make it that easy for you), gain item to fight Bill, 50 journal pages, all Primary stats will go up 10 levels!**

Dipper smirked, that was all he needed to hear! He got to work! Dipper spent several hours working at it...trying to figure out it's inner-workings gave him so many intelligence checks that it raised his intelligence score 10 whole points! As well as his mathematics, science, mechanics, physics, and chemistry skills! and even some brand new skills!

 **Ding! New skill unlocked! Dungeon summon, level 1!**

 **Dungeon summon: you gain the ability to summon dungeon Dimensions wherever you are!**

 **WARNING: Don't get your hopes up kids...your not allowed to even use the basics of this skill until your level 10 or the portal is 10% fixed, also be careful where you park them! Who know what could happen?**

 **Ding! New skill unlocked! Dungeon exit, level 1!**

 **Dungeon exit: You gain the ability to leave the 'real' world to enter a dungeon whenever you want! even as a means of escape!**

 **WARNING: Look above, I've already said this, I'm not repeating it twice!**

 **Ding! New Skill Unlocked! Electromancy, level 1**

 **Electromancy: What better way to start the day...then smiting your enemies with lightning- burn them, fuck up their nervous system, DESTROY their ability to control their bladders, who cares how you do it? Just go for it!**

 **...Sadly...**

 **Ding! Intelligence check! BZZZT! WRONG! 500/0 fail! 0XP gained!**

Dipper sighed...now he wasn't even getting 1xp anymore! "Okay...I guess that's as far as I can get for now...shoot, according to this meter the portal isn't even 10% fixed yet!"

Not having a whole lot of other options, he puts this on the back burner and goes searching for more things...he mostly just adds some tools to his inventory, machine parts and scrap metal. Stuff like that.

He also found two additional skill books: one 'Gambler's weekly' the other 'fitness nut digest', Dipper read them and gained 2 intelligence points thanks to his 'hungry bookworm' perk in addition to the one luck point and one strength point he got. As he was eating both magazines, he happened to spit an article...

 **weighted shirt! Become tough guy! buy now! only 700$!**

Dipper snorted, having lived under a master conman for months, Dipper knew enough of the tricks to see a scam when he saw it-

 **Ding! Intelligence check! You guessed it! 5/5 pass! 5XP gained!**

Dipper shrugged as he was about to put the article back in his mouth and to get the perks negative effect over with...when a thought occurred to him...it maybe a scam...but the idea behind it had merit...and since using logic and figuring things out got him intelligence points...why couldn't he do something similar with his other primary statistics?

 **Ding! Intelligence check! Way to think of a plan! 5/5 pass! 5XP gained!**

Dipper tried to use whatever bits of scrap he has to create a weighted shirt-

 **Ding! New skill unlocked! Crafting, level 1!**

 **Crafting: you make things, what you want a medal?**

 **Warning: can't craft high level things (like weighted shirt) without a schematic(technically you can do it without a schematic, but it's more difficult and it takes longer), and you can't craft without a crafting table until your level 10(again, you can still technically do it...but it's way harder and way more difficult(I made sure of that).**

 **Ding! New skill unlocked! sewing, level 1!**

 **Sewing: wouldn't surprise me if you level this up pretty quickly, huh sissy boy?**

 **Ding! New skill unlocked! metalwork, level 1!**

 **Metalwork: what better way to get your noodle arms to break then picking up metal tongs?**

Dipper quickly decided it be better to start small, he crafted numerous tile-like weights and glued them to the underside of his increasingly ragged shirt.

 **DING! YOU CHEATER! YOU FOUND ANOTHER CHEAT!...good, job! Have an intelligence point for your trouble!**

Dipper panted, he was thankful that he started small, apparently doing this without a crafting table caused you to tire out and get dizzy...somehow...

Admiring his handiwork, he then put it on, took a step forward-

 **CRASH!**

And fell flat on his face as the weights were too much for him-

 **Ding! Strength check! BZZZT! WRONG! 1,000/0 epic fail! 0XP gained!**

"Note to self:...start with LESS weights and work my way up." Grumbled Dipper in resigned annoyance...

...

It took a LOT of trial and error(leveled up his crafting and sewing up a bit)...but eventually Dipper was able to put enough weights in his shirt that was just difficult enough to push him to maximize his strength level grinding while exercising, but not TOO difficult where he landed flat on his face every step...

 **Ding! Strength check! your sweating now! 5/5 pass! 5XP gained!**

Dipper smiles as every minute or so this message came up...

With the portal room pretty much picked clean, he made his way up to Ford's secret room...only to find it locked...

 **DING! SECRET MISSION UNLOCKED! Get into Ford's room! Rewards: ?**

 **Requirements: Find all 3 journals, and Ford's key!**

Dipper rolled his eyes as he saw the security system on the reinforced steel door had been 'upgraded' from what was their in the original timeline, not only requiring a key- that only Ford knew where to find -but apparently 3 passwords that can only be found in the journals.

Dipper shook his head as he took an Axe out of his inventory- While once again desperately trying to ignore the cries/sobs of his freaked out family that was currently trapped in their - "Nuts, to this! I'm going to live out every gamer's dream!" He Takes his Axe to the door...and smashes the walls around it!

Dipper smirks, the door itself maybe indestructible but everything around out was rotted wormwood that Stan was too cheap to get repaired!(he should know, Dipper had fallen through the floorboards of said wormwood more times then he cared to count!) Soon the once impassible door was lying flat on the ground...and Dipper was inside the room.

 **DING! YOU CHEATER! YOU FOUND ANOTHER CHEAT!...good, job! Have an intelligence point for your trouble!**

Dipper smirked as he waved the message away. Dipper was giddy! Their was grade-A loot here! WOOT! Like Final level, game-breaking loot! First of all, there was a crafting table here! A deluxe portable one! Then Dipper found over 100 skill books! He greedily ate them as his 'Hungry bookworm' perk kicked in! Giving a 100 extra points to intelligent! he put 10 in each primary statistic, then put the left over 30 also into endurance.

Then he found 20 journal pages! He quickly deciphered them all! Most of them, AGAIN were revealed to be pages that he'd already seen- stuff about Scampfires, Kill Billy's and (shudder) The abominable Bro-man...but their were at least one new thing...their was the usual 'portal potty' page..but their were now several pages continuing it! Once more, evidence that someone had seriously retconned everything.

But Dipper wasn't focusing on that right now...he was focusing on some detailed maps on locations of various 'portal potties' scattered throughout Gravity Falls-

 **DING! NEW FAST-TRAVEL Spot unlocked! 10XP Gained!**

 **DING! NEW FAST-TRAVEL Spot unlocked! 10XP Gained!**

 **DING! NEW FAST-TRAVEL Spot unlocked! 10XP Gained!**

 **FAST Travel spots: They let you get places faster, you lazy bum!**

Naturally Dipper brought up his Game-map and tried to go to the one outside Soo's house to get back up...no such luck...all that happened was a loud razzberry noise and a reminder that all areas outside the Shack were still locked for the duration of the Tutorial...An annoyed Dipper's mood wasn't helped by the deciphering of the last journal page in the room...

Dipper looked up at the heavens annoyed. "You put the schematic of Fords key...in a room that needed to be OPENED by Ford's key?...cute...REAL cute." Snarked Dipper sarcastically.

Dipper then finds 4 more plants to add to his collection...one in particular:

 **Flower Pot**

 **Flower Pots let you plant anywhere.**

 **Flower pot: "I'm a pot for planting. Yet I'm also a plant. HAS YOUR MIND EXPLODED YET?"**

...Which Now gave him some interesting options...

 **DING! Congratulations, you found pot!**

 **You can now use pot to find happiness...through using them to grow your own plant army!...you can now- if you find the right journal page -create hybrid upgrade plants(these will count toward your plant total)**

Dipper excitedly looked through the plants he already had in his arsenal...

 **Peashooter: How can a single plant grow and shoot so many peas so quickly? Peashooter says, "Hard work, commitment, and a healthy, well-balanced breakfast of sunlight and high-fiber carbon dioxide make it all possible."**

 **Sunflower: Sunflower can't resist bouncing to the beat. Which beat is that? Why, the life-giving jazzy rhythm of the Earth itself, thumping at a frequency only Sunflower can hear.**

 **Cherry Bomb: "I wanna explode," says Cherry #1. "No, let's detonate instead!" says his brother, Cherry #2. After intense consultation they agree to explodonate.**

 **Wall-nut: "People wonder how I feel about getting constantly chewed on by zombies," says Wall-nut. "What they don't realize is that with my limited senses all I can feel is a kind of tingling, like a relaxing back rub."**

 **Potato Mine: Some folks say Potato Mine is lazy, that he leaves everything to the last minute. Potato Mine says nothing. He's too busy thinking about his investment strategy.**

 **Snow Pea: (hybrid plant, had to decipher a journal page for this one) Folks often tell Snow Pea how "cool" he is, or exhort him to "chill out." They tell him to "stay frosty." Snow Pea just rolls his eyes. He's heard 'em all.**

 **Chomper: Chomper almost got a gig doing stunts for The Little Shop of Horrors but it fell through when his agent demanded too much on the front end. Chomper's not resentful, though. He says it's just part of the business.**

 **Repeater: (hybrid plant, had to decipher a journal page for this one) Repeater is fierce. He's from the streets. He doesn't take attitude from anybody, plant or zombie, and he shoots peas to keep people at a distance. Secretly, though, Repeater yearns for love.**

Dipper sighs, "Don't we all Repeater...don't we all..." He says out loud wishfully...then he remembers a certain zombie attack on the Shack... "This time is going to be different..." He thinks to himself smugly...

Sadly he couldn't go nuts with the plants...the plants apparently had to be planted/grown in flower pots before he could transport them to the yard(otherwise they'd become feral and he wouldn't be able to control them)...and the amount of flower pots he had were limited...apparently he couldn't just make the flowerpot seeds multiply like the res he'd have to buy more at a 'special' market to buy more...in the meantime Dipper decided to just plant sunflowers...apparently he needed their solar power to make his plants reproduce...the more they produced, the faster his seeds would multiply...so for now he'd just do what he did with everything else...GRIND.

 **DING! Botany, level 202 reached!**

 **DING! Herbology, level 255 Reached!**

 **Ding! New skill unlocked! Botanomancy, level 1!**

 **Botanomancy: There once was a girl so pretty...I knew just what to do...I had some Botanomancy make plants turn her into stew...YUM!**

When that was over with, it was time for Dipper to get to Ford's ultra-secure, heavy-duty vault...by using his favorite game trick! First he'd save his progress, then he'd take out on of the lock-picks he'd scrounged, fiddle with the lock-

 **Ding! New skill unlocked! Lockpicking, level 1!**

 **Lockpicking: You open locks better, DUH!**

Naturally, he broke it...but he got some XP from the attempt...he waited for the XP to auto-save...then he reset to his last save...back before his lock-pick broke...and repeat!

 **DING! Lockpicking, level 2 Reached!**

 **DING! Lockpicking, level 3 Reached!**

 **DING! Lockpicking, level 4 Reached!**

 **DING! Lockpicking, level 5 Reached!**

 **DING! Lockpicking, level 6 Reached!**

When his lockpicking reached 100, he FINALLY got the vault open...sadly after it was opened, he could no longer get XP from unlocking it...well, at least he got 1 intelligence point rewarded by the 'cheater achievement' at least...

Inside the vault he found money, Grunkle Ford's magnet gun, a memory gun and...a statue of Bill Cipher!?

 **GAH!**

Screamed Dipper in a way that definitely wasn't like a little girl...or so he'd say to the day he died...

 **CRACK!**

Dipper's sudden start causes the bill Cipher statue to fall over and shatter-

 **DING! 1/10 Bill Cipher statues destroyed!**

 **DING! NEW MISSION: destroy 10 Cipher statues! Reward: ?**

Dipper nodded, that was good to know...at the very least, it would be cathartic to shatter bill's ugly mug...

"Speaking of Bill..." Dipper then turned to 'The mind reader'...using his memory, he manged to turn it back on...all the while praying that this time...things went more smoothly...

Fortunately, the controls were the same as last time and in fairly good condition...bad news was that he had to stay in range of it for 24 hours...which sucked(since he wanted to explore/grind more)...but unless he wanted a metal plate in his head- How could you even do that to yourself? - This was his best option of keeping bill out of his head...

Fortunately, he was a good multi-tasker. So even though he was confined to the Mind-Reader he was able to use his recently expanded intellect to allow him just enough freedom to allow him to exercise while his thoughts were being encrypted.

Quickly crafting some dumbbells and making sure he had enough extra weights in his inventory, he plugged himself in...and went to work-

 **Ding! Strength check! your sweating now! 10/10 pass! 15XP gained!**

 **Ding! Strength check! your sweating now! 10/10 pass! 15XP gained!**

 **Ding! Strength check! your sweating now! 10/10 pass! 15XP gained!**

...many hours later...

While exercising, Dipper also decided to give his menu a more thorough look a round, in case their was something he missed...That's when he found the potential achievements...and even some patch notes and extras!

 **if you (Locked) your love interest will give you a chance at a date.(But a Bee will sting you on the tip of your penis for five hours. Same spot each time.)**

Dipper winched at this...he wanted to avoid that if possible...unfortunately, all the info on how the situation happens- or even if it made into the game, and isn't just a deleted scene -were locked from his eyes...

 **Turn your Grunkle in to the feds and win the reward on his head to pay for both you and Mabel's college.(Summer comes to an early end, but life continues for you...until Bill kills everyone)**

Dipper glares at that one, "Yeah, that's not happening..." He stated flatly.

 **Choose Pacifica and live a lavish life researching the science behind all of the weirdness. (Must give up hunting in the woods, because Wendy's family is angry and waiting.)**

"What?" Shouted Dipper horrified.

 **Choose Wendy and live a comfortable life searching the woods and endlessly discovering new wonders. (Bound to the small town and the Shack, because the Northwest are vindictive.)**

Dipper looked at this thoughtfully. "Pacifica...would care who I ended up with?" He states surprised...

 **Choose Mabel and blow your brains out.**

Dipper promptly vomits, and suddenly feels VERY dirty... "Note to self: Buy a gun in case that ever actually happens."

 **'Take a nap on some rocks that causes weird dreams' and let the future pan out without interference.**

Dipper gives this a weird look, "Maybe give the rocks to Soos first and see what happens?" He mused outloud.

 **Your a "man"- Well I hope your proud of yourself. I bet you feel like a 'biiiiiiig man' now don't you?**  
 **(conditions: successfully killed the multi bear).**  
 **(reward: +10 STR, +50 all skills relating to combat, unlock new skill- skinning, gain renown with manataurs), gain title "manataur"- the manataur race now consider you one of their own and will come to your aid when summoned, learn "manataur call)**  
 **(negative: permanently lose all renown with other gravity falls cryptids, all other gravity falls cryptids are hostile or fear you, lose 100 CHA, lose renown with NPC- Mabel Pines, Stanley Pines, Soos, Wendy Corduroy)**

Dipper didn't even dignify this with even a passing glance...

 **Riches in Rags - Your considered a member of the 1%.**  
 **(conditions: Achieve "like a son to me" relationship status with Preston and Priscilla Northwest before "date of Northwest party", reach (?) in politics, reach (?) in charisma, complete "northwest mansion Noir" without alerting non Northwest or Northwest staff NPC's (i.e beat the lumberjack without anyone at the party knowing)**  
 **(reward: +50 politics, +50 bullshiting, +50 to basically any skill that involves being a rich asshole, relationship with Preston and Priscilla northwest will reach "like a son-in-law to me", relationship with Pacifica Northwest will reach "worlds coolest dork", relationship with "worlds most powerful people" NPC's will reach "up and coming young man", gain (?) amount of favours from- Preston Northwest. Free access to- Northwest mansion.**  
 **(negative: reduced relationship with spiritual entities, spiritual entities are now all hostile towards you, reduced relationship with Corduroy family)**  
 **(bonus: Complete this achievement with zero hostile NPC's (as in, convince the lumberjack ghost to move on peacefully on his own, or get a northwest to do as he wanted without alerting any NPC unaware of the ghost of the situation)**  
 **(bonus reward: Increase spiritual entities relationship towards you)**

Dipper glared...mostly at the 'like a son to me' part...that was NEVER going to happen, he read up on Pavlovian obedience...he knew what Preston did to Pacifica...wait...did he ever check up to see her after that party to see what punishment her parents had in store for her?...come to think of it...he'd hadn't seen her at all since the party! Not even when Stan was running for mayor! As the town's V.I.P.'s surely the Northwests would want to get involved in the whole thing! Dipper was starting to get a bad feeling about what happened to Pacifica...but he simply resolved to make it up to her...come hell or high-water...her nightmare would end...

Steeling himself...he then looked through some more perks...

 **Spot on the wall: can make spots appear anywhere.**

 **Cost: 1 perk point**

 **Lead belly: can eat whatever you want and never get fat or any other health consequences!**

 **Warning: due to several pact made to the embodiment of gluttony long ago...this no longer affects anything assassin, ninja, or (locked) related.**

 **Cost: 1 perk point**

 **Keep the money flowing: gain 75% more money from all business/properties you own, you'll also get a 25% discount for all things that you buy...but random encounters of monsters/enemies increase by 75% as well! Also overall toughness of monsters will increase by 25%!**

 **Cost: 5 perk points**

 **The meek will inherit the earth? NOT!: you become submissive toward ALL your love interests(well...more submissive then you were already anyway), you'll temporarily lose any/all of your perks/skills/abilities if said perk/skill/ability prevents said love interest from trying to overcome, overpower, trick or humiliate you. Your genitals will literally belong to them and stay limp until you have their permission for it to be otherwise! Which...now that I think of it, really isn't much of a change for you, isn't it? On the plus side? You own the Moon and Mars now! Both will be recognized as sovereign, separate nations, you lucky dog! You, your party, invited guests(not Mable, she's banned for LIFE), and employees can now breathe in outer space and you get a fast track spot to both of them(more fast track spots will require money to build)!**

 **Warning: will also lose ability to use Nemamancy skill permanently...but love interests Nemamancy skill will immediately go up to 100.**

 **Cost: 10 perk points**

 **Have a heart!...or someone else's?: killing humans will- in addition to the usual loot -will also produce a heart! These can either be sold on 'special' markets or used to give you 1 endurance point.**

 **Cost: 5 perk points**

Dipper turned bright red over the contents of the 'The Meek will inherit the earth? NOT!' perk...he knew this would end badly for him(he didn't know what Nemamancy meant...but it sent a chill down his spine)...but...owning TWO celestial bodies...and allowing whoever he wanted to breathe in space...to be able to go back and forth to earth in the blink of an eye? he could monopolize the space tourism industry! Revolutionize space travel! Maybe even colonize and terraform both worlds eventually! All these resources he could use to fight Bill!(Portal or not, he wasn't going to take anymore chances with Bill!)...or failing that, at least have a back-up plan to allow humanity to survive!

 **DING! NEW MISSION: Colonize Mars and the moon and make them livable...and profitable!**

 **Requirements: build and furbish 1,000 structures on both worlds, convince 500 people to permanently move to each world, have both world raise 1,000,000,000$ in revenue, and unlock all 1,000,000 fast travel locations on both worlds.**

 **Rewards: (locked)**

Dipper took a deep breath...and for the greater good... bought the perk...then felt all feeling in his genitals vanish, in a panic he looked down his pants...and started to cry...now on top of having a needle-dick ...he was now impotent as well...

...

Meanwhile...they didn't know why...but several girls in/near Gravity Falls...suddenly felt VERY happy all of a sudden...

...

After Dipper pulled himself together- the sobs of Mable from within his inventory was more then enough to help him to motivate him to move forward!

He proceeded to buy the 'Have a heart!...or someone else's?' Perk...and after some hesitation...bought the 'Keep the money flowing' perk...Dipper reasoned that this could be worth long-term gain, not only would he get rich-quickly when he bought businesses...more importantly he'd gain more XP and loot killing MORE monsters...provided he survived...

Then Dipper then turned his attention to his 'defects'...his multitasking with the weights was somewhat helping with the 'noodle arms'...in the the 12 hours he'd been at this he'd gotten...4 strength levels...okay, so their wasn't much he could with that one for now..or 'social' outcast and 'Mr. Unlucky'...Dipper guessed that he'd just have to just run out the remaining missions...as for the Beta twin defect...

Dipper snorted irritably, "This is so stupid! I already went through this 'Aesop'! The whole 'Alpha twin' thing was just Mable being jealous! We already resolved that!" Suddenly Dipper was deafened by a bugle blast while covered by confetti!

 **DING! CONGRATULATIONS! For realizing that there 'was' no alpha twin. Just your sister disguising that she's jealous of you being smarter than her. YOU JUST EARNED THE 'THEIR IS NO SPOON' PERK!**

 **-Remove defect- Beta Twin.**  
 **\- (bonus) + 300% to all XP, +50 to CHA, + 70 to STR & +80 to INT as long as you never, ever, not even once in your entire life, mock (NPC-MABEL) for it. Not even under your breath. Not even joking. Not even if the planet is reduced to a barren husk and your the only form of life left on it. Never.**

 **ACTIVATE?**

 **Y/N?**

Dipper frowned...Never mock Mable?...when Mable got back...Well, he loved her...but he had to call a spade a spade: with this restriction...he'd be lucky if this perk lasted a DAY!

But Dipper shrugged...at the very least he could use the '+300% to all XP' to speed up his grinding Strength points...

He shrugs and clicks 'Y'- ZAP! And was suddenly electrocuted! Dipper cried out in pain as his whole body...suddenly felt drained...

 **DING! HA! HA! FOOLED YOU!**

 **CURSED ACHIEVEMENTS:**

 **Think of these as the equivalent of a RPG 'Chest Monster'. A perk/achievement/item that fools you into thinking it's benevolent...then wham! The moment you activate it! It's cursed you!**

 **And guess what sucker!? Not only has the amount of missions required to end the 'Beta twin defect tripled!(24). But now in addition to your -10 to all your stats, you also lose -100 as well! Stuff that in your pipe and smoke it, fool!**

Dipper paled...not only in the prospect that he might never be able to trust a reward again...but at the sight of his current stats...

 **Primary Stats:**

 **S: 145(+100)(+100)(-100)(-10)(-100)**

 **P: 110(-10)(-100)**

 **E: 160(+100)(+100)(-100)(-10)(-100)**

 **C: 210(-100)(-10)(-100)**

 **I: 385(-10)(-100)**

 **A: 110(-10)(-100)**

 **L: 211(-10)(-100)(-100)**

 **Perk points: 91**

Dipper groaned as he felt his hard earned muscle turn to flab!...he panicked as his senses dulled to the point to the point that he couldn't see 5 inches in front of his face! Suddenly he felt winded just for turning around to fast!...overall...he felt like frack.

Dipper banged his head on a nearby bookshelf and screamed to the heavens...finally, he slumped in defeat...made sure the mind reader was undamaged...and since he no longer had the strength to pump weights...he had little choice but to patiently wait for the thought encryption process to be complete...

...trying to get his minds off his troubles...he pulled out the closest book he could reach...he opened it...and groaned when his limited perception realized it was a book on Gravity Falls Law!

Dipper groaned and was about to throw the book away...when he saw it!

 **Article 5, sub-article 12, section T, sub-section 4, Amendment O:**

 **Have it be declared here and now that if any 'beta' twin formally writes to the local 'twin broker' and formally demands he has the right to be the alpha twin...if in the next 24 hours the current 'alpha' twin dose not contest this...he/she will forfeit the title. And the beta becomes alpha with all the rights and privileges it entails(1)...that'll show the giant man-eating spiders who's boss!**

Dippers eyes widen, "is this for real?" Dipper asks outloud.

 **DING! CRUEL OR KIND!**

 **Yes, yes it is!**

 **Cruel: Take advantage of Mable being trapped to become alpha twin:**

 **Reward: Beta defect will be gone, gain exclusive free alpha twin perk. And Mable learns to be more independent. Next mission will become much less difficult.**

 **Punishment: loss of relationship with Mable and Stan...**

 **Kind: Wuss out**

 **Punishment: Beta defect damage will TRIPLE, and amount of missions needed for it to go away will QUADRUPLE...Next mission will become 117% harder as one of the people you need to convince to make the mission a success will be an adamant Beta hater and will sabotage you just to spite you...also, people will be 10% more likely to kick you in the balls.**

 **Reward: A useless 'okay to be beta' mug...that will give you food poisoning if you drink from...not anyone else, just you...unless it's an ally... then they'll probably just die.**

Dipper was stunned! "Wait a minute! How is this balanced? You've basically stacked it so I have no choice but to accept cruel if I want to complete the last tutorial- which I have to, to free my family from my inventory...and kick me in the balls? How is that even remotely related to the current situ-

 **DING! CHATTERBOX PENALTY! TIME LIMIT PENALTY IMPLEMENTED! You now only have ten seconds to decide!**

"Alright! Alright! I'm doing it!" Dipper groaned as he selected 'cruel', "Sorry Mable." He stated remorsefully...

 **DING! Congratulations! Since you responded within the time limit, as a reward we will send the necessary papers to the Twin broker for you and Fast-forward time 23 hours and 55 minutes!**

Dipper suddenly became very ill as time was forcibly speed up...he then vomited all over himself as the mind reader informed him it was done.

 **DING! NEW SKILL LEARNED! Mentalist Defenses Level 200 reached!**

 **Mentalists defenses: yeah, yeah, it keeps people out of your noggin, now quite reading this and collect your dang prize!**

Sure enough, a delivery man walks into the room as the timer runs out- how the man know he was in this room, or how he found it Dipper wasn't even going to TRY to figure out - and awards Dipper his 'Alpha Twin' Certificate-

 **DING! Alpha twin perk!(for real this time)**

 **All Beta defects/curses negated!**

 **+20 to all primary stats!**

 **Current Stats:**

 **Primary Stats:**

 **S: 165(+100)(+100)(-100)**

 **P: 130**

 **E: 180(+100)(+100)(-100)**

 **C: 230(-100)**

 **I: 405**

 **A: 130**

 **L: 231(-100)**

 **Perk points: 105**

Dipper nodded at all this..."Okay, this doesn't seem so...oh I need to...scroll...down, wha- WHAT THE BLOOD IS THIS!?"

 **Gain half of Mable's primary stats!**

 **Gain Mable's inheritance!**

 **Mable is disinherited and kicked out of the family!**

 **Mable loses all right to the Pines name, she will be sentenced by the Gulag if she even refers to herself as a pine.**

 **Mom pines, dad pines and Stan Pines will got to jail if they give her inheritance/allowance while they live, any inheritance/allowance they give her in death will immediately go to Dipper.**

 **All cash you give Mable will immediately return to you! So no tricks buddy!**

Dipper turns to the postman enraged; "What the blood man!? NO ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT DISINHERITING MABLE! "

"Check the footnote!" Said the retreating postman without looking back. Dipper frowned and rechecked the book...sure enough...their WAS a footnote...that you needed a microscope to read...that 'clearly' explained the 'perk' in more detail.

"Oh, come on! Why wouldn't you put that in bold print?!" But Dipper quickly calmed himself...and vowed that somehow, someway he WOULD make this up to Mable after the Summer had ended...assuming that they weren't all killed by Bill by then. So with no pleasure...he watched as Mable's life savings were poured into his inventory...and half of Mable's primary statistics were added to Dipper's...which was 50 points!?

Dipper sighed, "I'm not even going to comment on that..."

Dipper...sorta went on auto-pilot after that...

He did one last quick search of the room...looks like the mind reader could still be used...but it was currently locked...he found another secret...a mini-vault INSIDE Ford's vault...their was three items:

A weird looking microchip:

 **DING! ITEM: RESEARCH CAMERA UPGRADE**

 **Once installed, this can give a person the ability to research and copy enemy powers**

 **Warning: This item is incompatible with you! Only certain types of party members can use it!**

...his loincloth?

 **DING! ITEM: TARZAN'S LOINCLOTH**

 **Pro's: gain +100 to both Endurance and strength when equipped, gain ability to vine-swing ANYWHERE in a forest/jungle, can now carry ANY girl bridal style regardless of weight(so one less reason for girls to slap you)**

 **Con: Must take off all clothes to equip, chance of a wardrobe malfunction increases by 75% in presence of cute girls, also love interests can unequip costumes whenever they want.**

"Huh...kinda feel bad about originally throwing this in the garbage after the whole multi-bear thing now." Admitted Dipper as he put it in his inventory.

And finally...

 **DING! 'POWER TO THE PEOPLE' Acquired!**

Oh, how Dipper was tempted to use this on 'The Meek will inherit the earth? NOT'...but no...he had to be smart about this! Quickly he double checks all the perks..and then he sees it:

 **Aqua king: gain the power to breath underwater and swim like a champ!**

 **Warning: will turn you into a fish freak, lose 100 charisma points, and people are 100% more likely to throw rocks at you.**

 **COST: 1 perk point**

Dipper suddenly remembers every 'water level' he'd ever played...frankly, a 'complete rectal examination' would've been less difficult...he quickly bought it!

Dipper shuddered as his body began to turn into a fish man...quickly he applied 'power to the people'. He let's out a sigh of relief as he quickly turns back...except...

"What the!?

 **DING! Due to 'power of the people' unintentionally contradicting a certain aspect of the 'Heart of a true man' perk...and since you didn't pay to remove that perks negative effect...it's been decided that...(breaks down into laughter)Oh, who am I kidding? I saw a chance to screw you over again, and I took it! Sucks to be you chum!**

Dipper growled...as he looked down at his crotch...which was now tiny, flaccid...and freakishly deformed..."This is getting old". Stated Dipper annoyed.

With nothing else in here...he made his way back up to the shack...he searched for anything valuable...although he left the money, food, furniture, and exhibits(mostly) alone...he needed to make sure Mable and Stan didn't starve after all...He helped himself to most of Stans guns and amo though...

He found the photo-copier, rug, Ford's glasses, 7 issues of slot machine hijackers quarterly(so 7 luck points), and finally-

Dipper wretched over Stan's 'magazine' collection, "HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT THESES!? WHY DID I FIND THEM AGAIN!? WHY!?"

Sadly...Dipper's misery didn't end their...for the 'magazines' gave him two new skills...100 points in 'lover' and 5 in kissing...which would be great...except:

 **Kissing: It's something girls like to do with boys..that aren't you**

 **Lover: You? A lover? HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!-(this goes on for a hundred pages, but i think you got the idea)**

...And also:

"I'M NEGATIVE FIFTEEN THOUSAND IN THE LOVER STATISTIC!? HOW!?"

 **DING! DEFECTS ACTIVATED!**

 **TEENY WEENY: ...Do I even need to explain this? Girls will laugh at you when your naked uncontrollably. -5000 in your 'lover'**

 **Warning: This defect is permanent, but the -5000 can be negated with enough experience...simply have sex 100 times- but the girl has to be 'satisfied'! Each time! Otherwise it won't count.**

 **Flaccid, thy name is Dipper:...due to the perk 'The meek will inherit the Earth? NOT! This defect is also permanent...the defect can only be shut off(and turned on again) by one of your love interests. However, the -5000 to your 'lover' statistic CAN be negated with enough 'experience'...simply have sex 100 times- but the girl has to be 'satisfied'! Each time! Otherwise it won't count.**

 **Super freak! Super freak! Your junk is super freaky: When girls can see your genitals- possibly by microscope -they will laugh!...maybe vomit too! Your genitals look like the love child of a hairless, warty toad roadkill and the corpse of a scary clown(also hairless)...you lose -5000 to your 'lover' statistic...you know what? I'm in a good mood right now...you only have to have sex 9 times to remove this...although, each time has to be with a different girl! and they ALL have to be satisfied!**

Dipper just...stared...his eyes hot with tears, "You just need to accept it Dipper...like you accepted it the first time around...no girl is ever going to love you..." Said Dipper to himself in resignation...

Dipper brushed aside his tears as he headed for the last thing that could have value in the shack, Stan vault. With his lock-picking skills, he quickly cracked it...all that was in their was the deed. Dipper quickly took it and put it in his inventory, "Alright Gideon...let's see you get this NOW!" Shouts Dipper triumphantly. Only for his eyes to widen when the deed disintegrated into fairy dust that turned into a message!

 **DING! CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE GAINED OWNERSHIP OF YOUR FIRST PROPERTY! 500XP EARNED!**

Dipper's eyes practically popped out of his head, "WAIT, WHAT!?"

 **In this game, for the right price, you can buy everything(within reason). Including real estate! Of course, due to the Klept-ocracy rules that govern this town...you can always just take them with a five-fingered discount! Every place you buy- depending on what is -can give you different location bonuses: a safe haven from enemies, save-points, fast-travel locations, warehouses, bunkers, barracks, training halls, labs, factories, and of course sources of revenue. Once owned these locations can also be upgraded and refurbished.**

 **You now own the Mystery shack!**

 **Current revenue: 5$ per hour (+ 75% 'Keep the money flowing' perk)**

 **Current property owned: 1/1,000**

 **Loaction Bonuses: Safe Haven from low-level enemies(upgrades required), source of revenue(upgrades required), and 5% increase in XP and loot gathered on this property(upgrades required)**

 **DING! NEW MISSION: Buy/steal every piece of property in/under/around Gravity falls.**

 **Reward: Become King of Gravity Falls, 1,000,000,000,000XP, ?**

Suddenly filled with great pride and triumph; Dipper marched toward the final tutorial mission...which was FINALLY ready...and he activated it!

 **DING! NEW MISSION!**

 **Today the Shack is getting a visit from a group of world renowned supernatural enthusiasts; the 'Ghostfacers'. A good review from them can make or break a tourist trap!**

 **Requirements: All 5 members must be 100% happy with their visit! They have to give the shack a six star review! And you must make them buy 1,000,000.01$ worth of merchandise.**

 **Reward: 1,000,000.01$ dollars, increased revenue for the Shack, increased reputation with supernatural enthusiasts and tourists, 5,000XP, Tutorial will end.**

Dipper quickly found a miniature Mr. Mystery outfit and eye-patch, he then set up all the exhibits, and then waited at the door as the Ghostfacers rolled up to the Shack's drive-way...got out-

"This place is a dump." Stated Harry Spengler. "Wait, what!?" Shouted Dipper.

"Agreed, any further evaluation would just waste valuable seconds." Concurred his friend Ed Zeddmore. And just like that, they were leaving...

"NO! Come back! Come on! You didn't even give it a chance!" Pleaded a desperate Dipper...but they were already gone...

 **MISSION FAILED!**

 **TRY AGAIN?**

 **Y/N**

Dipper groaned as he pressed 'Y'. "This...might be more difficult then I thought..."

...

 **"A wise man once said that...'When god closes a door he opens a window'"** Slenderman frowned... **"Well, I don't know about that...but I'm defiantly opening a new portal!"**

He cackled as deep in an unknown location...a certain shaman is brought back to life...and begins to finish the portal he began to build so long ago...

...

 **Current Stats:**

 **Primary Stats:**

 **S: 215(+100)(+100)(-100)(+100)**

 **P: 180**

 **E: 230(+100)(+100)(-100)(+100)**

 **C: 280(-100)**

 **I: 455**

 **A: 180**

 **L: 288(-100)**

 **Perk points: 454**

 **Perks:**

 **The hungry Bookworm: gain one intelligence point for every Skill Book you read(this will be in addition to the skill point you already get from said book)...warning: you'll have an uncontrollable urge to eat the book after you finish with it.**

 **Vanna shake my pirate booty!: 10% increase in all Experience points gained finding loot, 65% increase in value on all loot you discover/steal and 95% more likely to find 'rare items' in monster gullets or buried treasure...warning: parrots and pirates will poop on you constantly...and you'll be #1 on every Ninja hit list.**

 **HEART OF A TRUE MAN: Gain 10 Endurance points! Gain 10 Strength points! Gain Gamer's Body(you don't need food, water, toilet, or sleep! Like a real freak of a video game character!)! Gain Gamer mind(your now free from all 'emo' thoughts, your welcome!)**

 **Warning: Like a true man...you know inner-strength is all that matters...so of course you won't mind this perk shriveling your genitals to ridiculously tiny size! And ensuring a 100% chance of girls laughing at you if they see it! Nope! That doesn't bother you! Cause your a real man!...also, there'll be a 50/50 chance of Bigfoot attempting to kidnap you everyday!**

 **Silent but listening: Gain experience of learning another language just by hearing people speak it! Or Read it!(only get half of XP for doing the later)**

 **A new glowing dawn: Impending nuclear holocaust got you down? With this perk you gain instant immunity to radiation! Gain 100 levels in secondary statistic 'Radiobiology', also temporarily gain an extra 100 endurance points whenever hit by a curse or poison, will also gain a temporary 100 strength point whenever your about to be crushed to death**

 **Warning: Will also permanently turn you into a giant, feral cockroach monster that eats garbage, human flesh and little girls who's name rhymes with 'Table'(especially that last one).**

 **Update: The negative consequences of this perk have been negated by the perk 'power to the people'**

 **Pyro maniac: BURN YOUR ENEMIES! Gain instant level 100 Pyromancy, temporary +100 Endurance whenever attacked by fire damage, and +100 to strength whenever inflicting fire damage on an enemy...warning: 75% chance of killing yourself and allies**

 **Update: The negative consequences of this perk have been negated by the perk 'power to the people'**

 **POWER TO THE PEOPLE! For the cost of 5 perk points, this perk can be used to negate the negative consequences of ONE perk you have already selected.**

 **Warning: after use, this perk will no longer be available on the perk menu...but it can be found out in the world...good hunting!**

 **'For the greater good' Achievement- Congratulations! You suddenly remembered your relatives are actual people and not video game sprites, and decided in your 'boundless grace' to set them free instead of leaving them to die while you sapped all the fun out of the game by abusing the f**king tutorial.**

 **Reward: Gain 10% more XP on missions that do not give items or money (or) can choose to forego money and items in missions in exchange for 25% extra XP.**

 **Keep the money flowing: gain 75% more money from all business/properties you own, you'll also get a 25% discount for all things that you buy...but random encounters of monsters/enemies increase by 75% as well! Also overall toughness of monsters will increase by 25%!**

 **The meek will inherit the earth? NOT!: you become submissive toward ALL your love interests(well...more submissive then you were already), you'll temporarily lose any/all of your perks/skills/abilities if said perk/skill/ability prevents said love interest from trying to overcome, overpower, trick or humiliate you. Your genitals will literally belong to them and stay limp until you have their permission for it to be otherwise! Which...now that I think of it, really isn't much of a change for you, isn't it? On the plus side? You own the moon and Mars now! Both will be recognized as sovereign separate nations, you lucky dog! You, your party, invited guests(not Mable, she's banned for LIFE), and employees can now breathe in outer space and you get a fast track spot to both of them(more fast track spots will require money to build)!**

 **Warning: will also lose ability to use Nemamancy skill permanently...but all love interests Nemamancy skill will immediately go up to 100.**

 **Have a heart!...or someone else's?: killing humans will- in addition to the usual loot -will also produce a heart! These can either be sold on 'special' markets or used to give you 1 endurance point.**

 **Alpha twin perk: Beta defect negated! Also +20 to all primary stats, Gain half of Mable primary stats, Gain half of Mable primary stats, Gain half of Mable primary stats, Gain half of Mable primary stats, Gain Mable inheritance and allowance,Mable is disinherited and kicked out of the family!**

 **Mable loses all right to the Pines name, she will be thrown in jail if she even refers to herself as a pine.**

 **Mom pines, dad pines and Stan Pines will got to jail if they give her inheritance/allowance while they live, any inheritance/allowance they give her in death will immediately go to Dipper.**

 **Any cash you give to Mable will immediately return to you! So no tricks buddy!**

 **Aqua king: gain the power to breath underwater and swim like a champ!**

 **Warning: will turn you into a fish freak, lose 100 charisma points, and people are 100% more likely to throw rocks at you.**

 **Update: The negative consequences of this perk have been negated by the perk 'power to the people'**

 **Secondary stats:**

 **Lying: level 175**

 **Cooking: level 100**

 **Unarmed combat: Level 525**

 **Armed combat: Level 275**

 **Theatrics: Level 15**

 **Bullshiting: Level 125**

 **Blackmail: Level 95**

 **Lie detection: Level 75**

 **Politics: Level 55**

 **Science: level 250**

 **Mechanics: level 175**

 **physics: level 95**

 **Chemistry: level 60**

 **Forensic: level 13**

 **Mathematics: level 350**

 **Sprinting: level 200**

 **Dodging: level 250**

 **Parkour: level 25**

 **Radiobiology: level 100**

 **Botany: level 202**

 **Herbology: level 255**

 **Botanomancy: Level 1**

 **Toxicology: level 2000**

 **Janitorial work: level 3000**

 **Calligraphy: level 50**

 **Zoology: level 150**

 **Magizoology: level 200**

 **Pyromancy: level 100**

 **Remomancy: level 1**

 **Dungeon summon: level 1**

 **Dungeon exit: level 1**

 **Electromancy: level 1**

 **Crafting: Level 3**

 **Sewing: Level 2**

 **Metalwork: Level 1**

 **Mentalist Defenses: level 200**

 **Lover: 100(-15000)**

 **Kissing: 5**

 **Journal pages: 25/3,000**

 **Journals: 0/3**

 **Plant types found: 9/182**

 **Plants types catalogued: 9/182**

 **Plants seed types collected: 9/182**

 **Current property owned: 1/1,000**

 **Titles:**

 **King of Mars: Increased reputation among politicians, tourists, merchants, intellectuals, and astronauts**

 **King of Moon: Increased reputation among politicians, tourists, merchants, intellectuals, astronauts, and (?)**

 **Learned Liar: Increased reputation among criminals, merchants, and politicians**

 **Master Chef: Increased reputation among craftsmen, and merchants**

 **Puglistics expert: Increased reputation among warriors**

 **Armament king: Increased reputation among warriors**

 **Sherif of Bullshit: Increased reputation among criminals, Merchants and politicians**

 **Scientist Supreme: Increased reputation among the intellectuals**

 **Maestro of mechanics: Increased reputation among the Craftsmen, and merchants**

 **The Major of Mathematics: Increased reputation among intellectuals**

 **All-star Sprinter: Increased reputation among Athletes and warriors**

 **Duke of Dodge: Increased reputation among Athletes and warriors**

 **Czar of Radiation: Increased reputation among Intellectuals and medics**

 **Botany lord: Increased reputation among plants, plant-like creatures, medics and intellectuals**

 **Minister of herbology: Increased reputation among magic Plants, plant-like creatures, medics and intellectuals**

 **Toxicology Tyrant: Increased reputation among janitors, medics, intellectuals, ninja, criminals, pirates, politicians, merchants and assassins**

 **Judge of Janitors: Increased reputation among janitors and criminals**

 **Sultan of Zoo's: Increased reputation among animals, Cryptids, Medics and intellectuals**

 **Regent of Magizoology: Increased reputation among Cryptids, medics and intellectuals**

 **Prince of Pyro's: Increase reputation with Cryptids and magicals**

 **Master mentalist: increase reputation with mentalists**

 **Defects:**

 **Noodle Arm defect: Your a wuss! -100 strength and -100 endurance until you complete 8 missions!**

 **Social outcast defect: Your a loser! -100 Charisma until you complete 8 missions!**

 **Mr. Unlucky defect: Let's face it, your sister always got everything and you got squat! Sucks to be you, wuss! -100 luck until you complete 8 missions!**

 **TEENY WEENY: ...Do I even need to explain this? Girls will laugh at you when your naked uncontrollably. -5000 in your 'lover'**

 **Warning: This defect is permanent, but the -5000 can be negated with enough experience...simply have sex 100 times- but the girl has to be 'satisfied'! Each time! Otherwise it won't count.**

 **Flaccid, thy name is Dipper:...due to the perk 'The meek will inherit the Earth? NOT! This defect is also permanent...the defect can only be shut off(and turned on again) by one of your love interests. However, the -5000 to your 'lover' statistic can only be negated with enough 'experience'...simply have sex 100 times- but the girl has to be 'satisfied'! Each time! Otherwise it won't count.**

 **Super freak! Super freak! Your junk is super freaky: When girls can see your genitals- possibly by microscope -they will laugh!...maybe vomit too! Your genitals look like the love child of a hairless, warty toad roadkill and the corpse of a scary clown(also hairless)...you lose -5000 to your 'lover' statistic...you know what? I'm in a good mood right now...you only have to have sex 9 times to remove this...although, each time has to be with a different girl! and they ALL have to be 'satisfied'!**

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Anyone have ideas for Dungeons and Dungeon bosses? I want difficult and challenging!**

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	8. Chapter 8

Gravity falls: Game of the Year edition ch. 8

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **AN: This chapter was collaborated with by Wolvenstrom and The Howling Behemoth  
**

...

 **AN: P.S. I'm always open for suggestions about cheats, cheat codes, game mechanics, levels, missions, mini-games, perks, achievements, grinds, boss fights, secrets, Dungeons, 'Cruel or Kind' Scenarios and any other game related ideas for this story!**

...

Dipper groaned...it had taken a hundred tries..but he'd done it...he finished the final tutorial mission! Man those guys had been tough nuts to crack! At least he'd discovered a new skill; Observation...through it he could learn things about people just by looking at them! Eventually he'd leveled it up enough to learn that he was able to learn that Harry Spangler was in a secret relationship with Ed Zeddmore's step sister Maggie...needles to say he quickly got his blackmail skill to go up 15 levels...

Still, it was difficult...interesting thing he learned the formula that allowed his his primary and secondary statistics to react together and it's effectiveness with he world around him. Example: convincing hard-core skeptics the Mystery Shack was cool. It was **Charisma X Intelligence + Lying, bullshiting, theatrics, etc. (Pretty much any secondary skill that was relevant to the situation).**

Now considering his already huge score you'd think that be impressive...except even with that...the 'nightmare' difficulty still gave him trouble! Even with one person under his thumb with blackmail..the others wouldn't budge!

Nope, in true video game fashion he was forced to do dozens of minor tasks that collectively outweighed the worth of what he was getting as a reward!

He had to redesign their website...

"WILL YOU STOP UPLOADING PORN!? THIS IS HARD ENOUGH WITHOUT YOU CRASHING THE SITE EVERY 5 %^$# MINUTES!" Screamed Dipper.

Fix their van...

"WHO PUT SUGAR IN YOUR GAS TANK!?"

Show them a real magical creature(without leaving the Shack grounds)...

 _"I HATE THIS."_ Thought Dipper miserably as he was forced to substantially increase his theatrics skill set/humiliate himself to convince the group he was a REAL Pre-teen wolf boy.

 **DING! ITEM: Pre-teen wolf boy outfit; guaranteed to make everyone laugh and feel sorry for you, ?**

And of course give them a jetpack-

"Ohhhhhhh, this is getting silly!" Snapped Dipper as he built them a jetpack(worse, the only reason he'd been able to fins said jetpack was because he found a half-broken one under the floorboards of Ford's room...which he now had to waste giving to these jerks!)...

Finally, they were satisfied(or as satisfied as they could be considering Dipper just used the newfound skill of 'hacking' to put their website AND bank accounts at their mercy if they didn't do what he wants) ...and the mission was complete...a large number of stats were bumped up(mathematics, lying, intelligence... the list went on...EVERYTHING ached)...and he could feel them give his mind and body an upgrade...also cramps...

All that was left was apparently a final double check of his status.

 **INSERT NAME?**

"What? Don't you already have my name?"

 **DING! NAME: WhatDon'tyoualreadyhavemyname**

 **Is this correct?**

Dipper just rolled his eyes, said nothing and quickly corrected it.

 **INSERT GENDER?**

Dipper rolled his eyes, "Oh, ha, ha. Okay, I get it already, You think I'm a wussy girl-

 **DING! GENDER: Girl**

"GAH! UNDO! UNDO! UNDO!" Screamed a now dickless Dipper as his freakishly large breasts began to hurt his back...

Finally, the tutorial ended. He quickly immediately got Stan and Mable out of his inventory. Evidently they couldn't remember going inside the inventory...but they remembered everything BEFORE that...leaving them very freaked out.

And Dipper? One quick jump over the property line was enough to confirm he was now free to go wherever he wanted...the wide-wonderful world of gravity Falls was his to explore...so what now?

...

Dipper knew he had to be careful about this...he went over all he knew, "Okay my crafting, metalwork, and intelligence have all gone up...so next time Stan is busy I should go back down to the portal room and see if I can fix it a little more...but my next big thing is to go get Journal 3 and possibly claim the bunker as a base...knowing my luck it won't be as simple as last time...especially if that 'shapeshifter's revenge DLC' was any indication..."

For the most part Dipper felt like he should focus on scrounging everywhere and everything he can find. the more fast-travel spots and hideouts he stole/built- minus going to mars and the moon...he had a suspicion he'd need a LOT more preparation before doing anything there -...the easier missions would be in those areas! Plus, the more he grinds his skills, the more he'd be ready to fight! Which reminded him...he should fix up his weights to be heavier, he wasn't getting anymore XP from them!

As for his lover defects...

" Wait...sleep with all...NINE of my love interests!? What nine? Wendy, Candy that one time... and ok if I have to be honest; Pacifica brings it up to three. Who else does it mean... Like, those girls I met on the revenge tour? Assuming that mable isn't a love interest -pauses to shudder/vomit- That still leaves two unaccounted...

Dipper shook his head, "What am i doing?...I was rubbish with relationships the FIRST time around...I doubt I've gotten any better...Nope, maybe it be best to just focus on saving the world and learn to live with my now defective genitals-

 **DING! NEW ACHIEVEMENT!**

 **Thinking with your 'actual' brain: You've realized that your only twelve, and too young to do any of the sex related quests. You've stopped thinking with your dick. Such a grand accomplishment deserves a grand reward**

 **(reward)- Ethereal hand - Every time you complete a quest, increase your INT, or congratulate yourself, you will feel a ghostly, hand that feels like it's covered in fryer grease give you a pat on the head in as patronizing a manner as possible for no less than thirty seconds at a and the timer stacks if any criteria for reward is met consecutively.**

 **Accept?**

 **Y/N?**

Dipper reaches over eagerly to accept...only to frown. "Wait a minute, this sounds too good to be true...how do I know this isn't another cursed achievement?" Dipper pondered...then shook his head. "Nope, not worth the risk, my genitals have been tampered with enough, thank you!" He snaps irritably as he selects 'no'.

 **DING! DING DING! YOU GUESSED RIGHT!**

 **Take an instant Level-up as a reward(all primary stats go up one level!)**

Dipper nods, "alright...good...all good! I have a game plan now! Forget love and focus on killing Bill! Sounds great!"

"Hey, your Stan's nephew aren't you?!" Dipper flustered as the all too familiar voice of one of the most important people in his life...Wendy.

Dipper pulled himself together, _"Be cool man...remember the game plan! Romance second- if at all- saving the world first...just...just be friends..."_

Dipper took a deep breath turned around, smiled at Wendy and-

 **DING! RIP!**

 **EXPIRED ITEM: Clothes**

 **Expired items: some item's- if not repaired frequently -will eventually fall apart and be useless...most annoying game mechanic ever right?**

 **And that's why 'Gravity Falls: Game of the year edition' has painstakingly made sure that only your everyday clothes will suffer this**

 **Note: you can only have one default set of clothes at one time, you have to buy it from a store in the middle of town that's only open during the day(you can only buy this store LAST). All other sets of clothes are only available for wearing during combat or special events...if afterwards you don't have your default clothes, you revert to being 'au naturale'**

 **Suck on that hero!**

Dipper wasn't really paying much attention to the message...he was too busy being stunned over his sudden nudity...in front of his crush...with his mutilated and tiny penis on display for all to see...

The situation didn't really hit him until-

 **DING!** **HEART OF A TRUE MAN PERK ACTIVATE!  
**

Wendy burst out laughing...then she quickly covered her mouth embarrassed...but not nearly as embarrassed as Dipper! The full extent of the situation finally hitting him like a sack of bricks...Dipper's fluster could be seen from space! He quickly covered himself!...too little too late though...

Wendy felt terrible! She just laughed at this poor boy...who clearly had a LOT of problems. "Uh- Wow, I'm really sorry...that was NOT okay for me to laugh at you...okay, I'm just going to ask...do you need medical help?" Asked a concerned Wendy awkwardly as she struggled through the sentence.

Dipper sighed, "No...this is just what it looks like." He admited miserably.

"Oh...I'm sorry to hear that." Said an uncomfortable Red-head.

Naturally, an awkward silence was quick to follow... _"Man, what i wouldn't give for a monster to kill me right now."_ Thought a mortified Dipper to himself...

 **DING!** **HEART OF A TRUE MAN PERK ACTIVATE!**

 **RAGGLE FRAGGLE!**

Shouted Big Foot as he jumped from the shadows and grabbed Dipper and ran into the woods with him-

AHHHHHH! SOMEBODY HELP ME!

Shouted Dipper terrified...

Wendy simply blinked at this stunned...before jumping into the golf cart and going after them...

...Meanwhile...

Mable rocked back and forth on the steps...she'd been having a terrible...day? Week? Month? GAH! She had no idea! Not only had she been through endless punishment, starvation and rat attacks...but she'd just gotten a letter telling her that she'd been kicked out of the Pines family! Mable sobbed bitterly.

"Hey- You pretty!" Mable looked up and spotted an older boy who looked like he escaped from the cover of 'serial killer monthly'. "Me normal- MAN! Norman! Me Norman! What your name?" He asked.

Mable sighed, "Uh look...guy. Your cute and under different circumstances I'd date you...but right now my life is too messed up to think of romance..." She admitted miserably.

'Norman' looked at her baffled. "Uh...okay? Um...what me do?"

 **DING! "OH, FOR THE LOVE OF- JUST GRAB HER ALREADY! GRAB HER BEFORE I THROW YOU IN THE SOUP POT AND MAKE YOU EAT YOUR MOTHERS WHILE YOU BOIL TO DEATH!"**

Shouted an enraged voice from the heavens...

"Wait, what?!" Shouted Mable before she's enveloped by a wave of rabid gnomes...

...

 **Current Stats:**

 **Primary Stats:**

 **S: 216(+100)(+100)(-100)(+100)**

 **P: 181**

 **E: 231(+100)(+100)(-100)(+100)**

 **C: 301(-100)**

 **I: 501**

 **A: 181**

 **L: 289(-100)**

 **Perk points: 455**

 **Perks:**

 **The hungry Bookworm: gain one intelligence point for every Skill Book you read(this will be in addition to the skill point you already get from said book)...warning: you'll have an uncontrollable urge to eat the book after you finish with it.**

 **Vanna shake my pirate booty!: 10% increase in all Experience points gained finding loot, 65% increase in value on all loot you discover/steal and 95% more likely to find 'rare items' in monster gullets or buried treasure...warning: parrots and pirates will poop on you constantly...and you'll be #1 on every Ninja hit list.**

 **HEART OF A TRUE MAN: Gain 10 Endurance points! Gain 10 Strength points! Gain Gamer's Body(you don't need food, water, toilet, or sleep! Like a real freak of a video game character!)! Gain Gamer mind(your now free from all 'emo' thoughts, your welcome!)**

 **Warning: Like a true man...you know inner-strength is all that matters...so of course you won't mind this perk shriveling your genitals to ridiculously tiny size! And ensuring a 100% chance of girls laughing at you if they see it! Nope! That doesn't bother you! Cause your a real man!...also, there'll be a 50/50 chance of Bigfoot attempting to kidnap you everyday!**

 **Silent but listening: Gain experience of learning another language just by hearing people speak it! Or Read it!(only get half of XP for doing the later)**

 **A new glowing dawn: Impending nuclear holocaust got you down? With this perk you gain instant immunity to radiation! Gain 100 levels in secondary statistic 'Radiobiology', also temporarily gain an extra 100 endurance points whenever hit by a curse or poison, will also gain a temporary 100 strength point whenever your about to be crushed to death**

 **Warning: Will also permanently turn you into a giant, feral cockroach monster that eats garbage, human flesh and little girls who's name rhymes with 'Table'(especially that last one).**

 **Update: The negative consequences of this perk have been negated by the perk 'power to the people'**

 **Pyro maniac: BURN YOUR ENEMIES! Gain instant level 100 Pyromancy, temporary +100 Endurance whenever attacked by fire damage, and +100 to strength whenever inflicting fire damage on an enemy...warning: 75% chance of killing yourself and allies**

 **Update: The negative consequences of this perk have been negated by the perk 'power to the people'**

 **POWER TO THE PEOPLE! For the cost of 5 perk points, this perk can be used to negate the negative consequences of ONE perk you have already selected.**

 **Warning: after use, this perk will no longer be available on the perk menu...but it can be found out in the world...good hunting!**

 **'For the greater good' Achievement- Congratulations! You suddenly remembered your relatives are actual people and not video game sprites, and decided in your 'boundless grace' to set them free instead of leaving them to die while you sapped all the fun out of the game by abusing the f**king tutorial.**

 **Reward: Gain 10% more XP on missions that do not give items or money (or) can choose to forego money and items in missions in exchange for 25% extra XP.**

 **Keep the money flowing: gain 75% more money from all business/properties you own, you'll also get a 25% discount for all things that you buy...but random encounters of monsters/enemies increase by 75% as well! Also overall toughness of monsters will increase by 25%!**

 **The meek will inherit the earth? NOT!: you become submissive toward ALL your love interests(well...more submissive then you were already), you'll temporarily lose any/all of your perks/skills/abilities if said perk/skill/ability prevents said love interest from trying to overcome, overpower, trick or humiliate you. Your genitals will literally belong to them and stay limp until you have their permission for it to be otherwise! Which...now that I think of it, really isn't much of a change for you, isn't it? On the plus side? You own the moon and Mars now! Both will be recognized as sovereign separate nations, you lucky dog! You, your party, invited guests(not Mable, she's banned for LIFE), and employees can now breathe in outer space and you get a fast track spot to both of them(more fast track spots will require money to build)!**

 **Warning: will also lose ability to use Nemamancy skill permanently...but all love interests Nemamancy skill will immediately go up to 100.**

 **Have a heart!...or someone else's?: killing humans will- in addition to the usual loot -will also produce a heart! These can either be sold on 'special' markets or used to give you 1 endurance point.**

 **Alpha twin perk: Beta defect negated! Also +20 to all primary stats, Gain half of Mable primary stats, Gain half of Mable primary stats, Gain half of Mable primary stats, Gain half of Mable primary stats, Gain Mable inheritance and allowance,Mable is disinherited and kicked out of the family!**

 **Mable loses all right to the Pines name, she will be thrown in jail if she even refers to herself as a pine.**

 **Mom pines, dad pines and Stan Pines will got to jail if they give her inheritance/allowance while they live, any inheritance/allowance they give her in death will immediately go to Dipper.**

 **Any cash you give to Mable will immediately return to you! So no tricks buddy!**

 **Aqua king: gain the power to breath underwater and swim like a champ!**

 **Warning: will turn you into a fish freak, lose 100 charisma points, and people are 100% more likely to throw rocks at you.**

 **Update: The negative consequences of this perk have been negated by the perk 'power to the people'**

 **Secondary stats:**

 **Hacking: Level 75**

 **Observation: Level 50**

 **Lying: level 215**

 **Cooking: level 100**

 **Unarmed combat: Level 525**

 **Armed combat: Level 275**

 **Theatrics: Level 265**

 **Bullshiting: Level 175**

 **Blackmail: Level 160  
**

 **Lie detection: Level 80**

 **Politics: Level 60**

 **Science: level 275**

 **Mechanics: level 200**

 **physics: level 125**

 **Chemistry: level 60**

 **Forensic: level 13**

 **Mathematics: level 350**

 **Sprinting: level 200**

 **Dodging: level 250**

 **Parkour: level 25**

 **Radiobiology: level 100**

 **Botany: level 202**

 **Herbology: level 255**

 **Botanomancy: Level 1**

 **Toxicology: level 2000**

 **Janitorial work: level 3000**

 **Calligraphy: level 50**

 **Zoology: level 150**

 **Magizoology: level 200**

 **Pyromancy: level 100**

 **Remomancy: level 1**

 **Dungeon summon: level 1**

 **Dungeon exit: level 1**

 **Electromancy: level 1**

 **Crafting: Level 13**

 **Sewing: Level 2**

 **Metalwork: Level 5  
**

 **Mentalist Defenses: level 200**

 **Lover: 100(-15000)**

 **Kissing: 5**

 **Journal pages: 25/3,000**

 **Journals: 0/3**

 **Plant types found: 9/182**

 **Plants types catalogued: 9/182**

 **Plants seed types collected: 9/182**

 **Current property owned: 1/1,000**

 **Titles:**

 **King of Mars: Increased reputation among politicians, tourists, merchants, intellectuals, and astronauts**

 **King of Moon: Increased reputation among politicians, tourists, merchants, intellectuals, astronauts, and (?)**

 **Learned Liar: Increased reputation among criminals, merchants, and politicians**

 **Master Chef: Increased reputation among craftsmen, and merchants**

 **Puglistics expert: Increased reputation among warriors**

 **Armament king: Increased reputation among warriors**

 **Baron of Blackmail:** **Increased reputation among criminals, Merchants and politicians**

 **Sherif of Bullshit: Increased reputation among criminals, Merchants and politicians**

 **Prince of physics: Reputation increased among intelectuals**

 **Tian Kehan of Theatrics: increased reputation among artisans and intellectuals  
**

 **Scientist Supreme: Increased reputation among the intellectuals**

 **Maestro of mechanics: Increased reputation among the Craftsmen, and merchants**

 **The Major of Mathematics: Increased reputation among intellectuals**

 **All-star Sprinter: Increased reputation among Athletes and warriors**

 **Duke of Dodge: Increased reputation among Athletes and warriors**

 **Czar of Radiation: Increased reputation among Intellectuals and medics**

 **Botany lord: Increased reputation among plants, plant-like creatures, medics and intellectuals**

 **Minister of herbology: Increased reputation among magic Plants, plant-like creatures, medics and intellectuals**

 **Toxicology Tyrant: Increased reputation among janitors, medics, intellectuals, ninja, criminals, pirates, politicians, merchants and assassins**

 **Judge of Janitors: Increased reputation among janitors and criminals**

 **Sultan of Zoo's: Increased reputation among animals, Cryptids, Medics and intellectuals**

 **Regent of Magizoology: Increased reputation among Cryptids, medics and intellectuals**

 **Prince of Pyro's: Increase reputation with Cryptids and magicals**

 **Master mentalist: increase reputation with mentalists**

 **Defects:**

 **Noodle Arm defect: Your a wuss! -100 strength and -100 endurance until you complete 7 missions!**

 **Social outcast defect: Your a loser! -100 Charisma until you complete 7 missions!**

 **Mr. Unlucky defect: Let's face it, your sister always got everything and you got squat! Sucks to be you, wuss! -100 luck until you complete 7 missions!**

 **TEENY WEENY: ...Do I even need to explain this? Girls will laugh at you when your naked uncontrollably. -5000 in your 'lover'**

 **Warning: This defect is permanent, but the -5000 can be negated with enough experience...simply have sex 100 times- but the girl has to be 'satisfied'! Each time! Otherwise it won't count.**

 **Flaccid, thy name is Dipper:...due to the perk 'The meek will inherit the Earth? NOT! This defect is also permanent...the defect can only be shut off(and turned on again) by one of your love interests. However, the -5000 to your 'lover' statistic can only be negated with enough 'experience'...simply have sex 100 times- but the girl has to be 'satisfied'! Each time! Otherwise it won't count.**

 **Super freak! Super freak! Your junk is super freaky: When girls can see your genitals- possibly by microscope -they will laugh!...maybe vomit too! Your genitals look like the love child of a hairless, warty toad roadkill and the corpse of a scary clown(also hairless)...you lose -5000 to your 'lover' statistic...you know what? I'm in a good mood right now...you only have to have sex 9 times to remove this...although, each time has to be with a different girl! and they ALL have to be 'satisfied'!**

...

 **AN: Anyone have anything they'd like to see happen to Mable, Dipper or Wendy next chapter? LET YOUR REVIEWS BE HEARD!**

 **AN: Also, sorry this chapter was so short, this week I started a new job...eating a lot of my time...won't lie, this WILL affect how much I write...so heads up there.**

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	9. Chapter 9

**Gravity falls: Game of the Year edition ch. 9**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **AN: P.S. I'm always open for suggestions about cheats, cheat codes, game mechanics, levels, missions, mini-games, perks, achievements, grinds, boss fights, secrets, Dungeons, 'Cruel or Kind' Scenarios and any other game related ideas for this story!**

...

 **DING! ACHIEVEMENT EARNED: Going for a streak!**

 **Your flashing your goodies for all to see, perv!**

Dipper wasn't really in a position to read or be annoyed by the message...he was too busy trying to break free of bigfoot's grip...sadly not only was bigfoot freakishly strong, but the 'heart of a true man' perk made it impossible!

also-

 **SMACK!**

 **OW!**

 **CRACK!**

 **OW!**

 **WHACK!**

 **WHY!?**

It seemed like every bramble, thorn, and thistle in the forest had a "Dipper private area" Guided seeker...IT HURT LIKE FRACK MAN!

Suddenly bigfoot unceremoniously dropped him on the ground, Dipper groaned as he slowly got up-

 **DING! New mission! Keeping up with the bigfoots!**

 **Mission: leave the den without the youngest female seeing you in the buff...it's the last day of mating season after all...**

Dipper...looked at this horrifying mission...and sighed in a resigned way. "Let me guess: This is the part where I say 'at least it can't get worse' only to not only learn the opposite but that you've once more stacked the deck against me to humiliate me."

"Sweet! Thanks uncle! I thought I'd have to skip my first mating season!" Shouted a rather gruff voice behind him.

 **DING! HA! YOU FAILED SUCKER! ENJOY THE RIDE!**

Dipper paled...not because of the failed mission...but because he KNEW that voice.

 **CLONK!**

Grenda whistled a merry tune as she clonked the cute boy out with her billy club from behind, tore off her clothes...and dragged him to her room...

 _"Please kill me."_ Begged Dipper silently as he was forcibly taken to have his 'first'.

...

Wendy looked around confused; her fathers survival training was helping her track Dipper...buuuut... _"Why do I feel like I'm in one of those old cartoons with the repeating background?"_ Thought a confused Wendy as she apparently went past the same rock for the fiftieth time-

 **When you were languishing in rooms I built to file you in**  
 **And when the wind set down in funnel form and pulled you in-**

"AND WHERE IS THAT MUSIC COMING FROM!?" She shouted baffled

 **I don't need to walk around in circles**  
 **Walk around in circles, walk around in circles**  
 **Walk around in**  
 **Don't need to walk around in circles**  
 **Walk around in circles, walk around in circles**  
 **Walk around in...**

An invisible Slenderman laughed as he continued to bend space to make her go in circles to give Grenda her 'alone time'...and also the time he needed to record Dippers screams...and playing this delightful little diddy-

 **And when the ghostly dust of violence traces everything**  
 **And when the gas runs out just wreck it, you insured the thing**

 **I don't need to walk around in circles**  
 **Walk around in circles, walk around in circles**  
 **Walk around in**  
 **Don't need to walk around in circles**  
 **Walk around in circles, walk around in circles**  
 **Walk around in...**

 **Doom da doom da doom**  
 **Well I'm going, I'm going**

 **But I can't sigh now that you made the move**  
 **It has gone and gone to dogs**  
 **Lay down on the floor**  
 **For the right price I can get everything**  
 **Slip into the car**  
 **Go driving to the farthest star**

 **I don't need to walk around in circles**  
 **Walk-a**  
 **In circles, walk around in circles**  
 **Walk around in-a**  
 **Don't need to walk around in circles**  
 **Walk around in circles, walk around in circles**  
 **Walk around in**  
 **Don't need to walk around in circles**  
 **Walk around in circles, walk around in circles**  
 **Walk around in...**

Slenderman turned to the reader, **"Ain't I a stinker?"** he teased

...

 _"I...I always thought my first time...would be way more enjoyable..."_ Thought a traumatized and tearful Dipper as he lay naked and sweaty on the floor...Grenda...was basically a grown ass man! She was only a 'girl' in the loosest sense of the word! SHE HAD MORE BODY-HAIR THEN GRUNKLE STAN AND THE MULTI-BEAR COMBINED FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

 **DING! You earned the 'you suck' achievement!**

 **Let me get this straight...not only did you lose your virginity to the that she-male GRENDA of all people...you were unable to satisfy her?...dude...their are no words...to describe how big of a loser you are...no words...**

Grenda...clearly reeking of disappointment and dissatisfaction that her first time...had been so unbelievably terrible...was nevertheless trying to say something positive... "Uh...this was my first time...so I'm really in position to judge either way how good or bad this was!" She offered awkwardly trying to salvage the situation...which of course it didn't.

Dipper, eyes hot with tears of humiliation and rage rounded on her to give her a piece of his mind-

 **Ding! New skill unlocked! Bloodlust, level 1!**

 **Bloodlust: basically, people around you will know your fury without you having to say or do anything!**

"Uh- Hey! I'm thirsty! You thirsty? Why don't you get us some drinks!?" Shouted Grenda quickly/fearfully as she reached behind and grabbed the nearest container without looking and gave it to him and kicked him out of the den.

Dipper grumbled as he went to the nearby stream...he briefly wondered if Grenda had always been a bigfoot...or if this was yet another retcon...he'd never been around her a lot, so he couldn't say for certain...but it WOULD explain a lot if she was...

 **DING! New mission! Give Grenda a drink!**

 **Reward: Relationship increase with Grenda and Bigfoots!**

Dipper looked at this for a second...and then it hit him...he was currently filling a flask to hydrate the girl who just raped him-

"FRACK THAT!" Shouted Dipper enraged as he threw the flask to the ground causing it to shatter with a satisfying crack-

 **DING! Mission fail! But you got your revenge on Grenda, big man!**

Dipper smirked at this-

 **I mean, using your bloodlust to confuse her to accidentally give her the flask that was the mystic token sealing the pact with the nature spirit that allowed her to survive her still-birth and then shatter it thus killing her!? You are one cold-blooded killer, man!"**

Dipper eyes widened in horror; "WAIT, WHAT!?" He screamed...suddenly he heard a crash from the den...Dipper ran toward her...but it was too late...she was on the floor...dead to the world...and that's how Wendy found them...a sobbing Dipper cradling the lifeless corpse of Grenda...

...

 **Current Stats:**

 **Primary Stats:**

 **S: 216(+100)(+100)(-100)(+100)**

 **P: 181**

 **E: 231(+100)(+100)(-100)(+100)**

 **C: 301(-100)**

 **I: 501**

 **A: 181**

 **L: 289(-100)**

 **Perk points: 455**

 **Perks:**

 **The hungry Bookworm: gain one intelligence point for every Skill Book you read(this will be in addition to the skill point you already get from said book)...warning: you'll have an uncontrollable urge to eat the book after you finish with it.**

 **Vanna shake my pirate booty!: 10% increase in all Experience points gained finding loot, 65% increase in value on all loot you discover/steal and 95% more likely to find 'rare items' in monster gullets or buried treasure...warning: parrots and pirates will poop on you constantly...and you'll be #1 on every Ninja hit list.**

 **HEART OF A TRUE MAN: Gain 10 Endurance points! Gain 10 Strength points! Gain Gamer's Body(you don't need food, water, toilet, or sleep! Like a real freak of a video game character!)! Gain Gamer mind(your now free from all 'emo' thoughts, your welcome!)**

 **Warning: Like a true man...you know inner-strength is all that matters...so of course you won't mind this perk shriveling your genitals to ridiculously tiny size! And ensuring a 100% chance of girls laughing at you if they see it! Nope! That doesn't bother you! Cause your a real man!...also, there'll be a 50/50 chance of Bigfoot attempting to kidnap you everyday!**

 **Silent but listening: Gain experience of learning another language just by hearing people speak it! Or Read it!(only get half of XP for doing the later)**

 **A new glowing dawn: Impending nuclear holocaust got you down? With this perk you gain instant immunity to radiation! Gain 100 levels in secondary statistic 'Radiobiology', also temporarily gain an extra 100 endurance points whenever hit by a curse or poison, will also gain a temporary 100 strength point whenever your about to be crushed to death**

 **Warning: Will also permanently turn you into a giant, feral cockroach monster that eats garbage, human flesh and little girls who's name rhymes with 'Table'(especially that last one).**

 **Update: The negative consequences of this perk have been negated by the perk 'power to the people'**

 **Pyro maniac: BURN YOUR ENEMIES! Gain instant level 100 Pyromancy, temporary +100 Endurance whenever attacked by fire damage, and +100 to strength whenever inflicting fire damage on an enemy...warning: 75% chance of killing yourself and allies**

 **Update: The negative consequences of this perk have been negated by the perk 'power to the people'**

 **POWER TO THE PEOPLE! For the cost of 5 perk points, this perk can be used to negate the negative consequences of ONE perk you have already selected.**

 **Warning: after use, this perk will no longer be available on the perk menu...but it can be found out in the world...good hunting!**

 **'For the greater good' Achievement- Congratulations! You suddenly remembered your relatives are actual people and not video game sprites, and decided in your 'boundless grace' to set them free instead of leaving them to die while you sapped all the fun out of the game by abusing the f**king tutorial.**

 **Reward: Gain 10% more XP on missions that do not give items or money (or) can choose to forego money and items in missions in exchange for 25% extra XP.**

 **Keep the money flowing: gain 75% more money from all business/properties you own, you'll also get a 25% discount for all things that you buy...but random encounters of monsters/enemies increase by 75% as well! Also overall toughness of monsters will increase by 25%!**

 **The meek will inherit the earth? NOT!: you become submissive toward ALL your love interests(well...more submissive then you were already), you'll temporarily lose any/all of your perks/skills/abilities if said perk/skill/ability prevents said love interest from trying to overcome, overpower, trick or humiliate you. Your genitals will literally belong to them and stay limp until you have their permission for it to be otherwise! Which...now that I think of it, really isn't much of a change for you, isn't it? On the plus side? You own the moon and Mars now! Both will be recognized as sovereign separate nations, you lucky dog! You, your party, invited guests(not Mable, she's banned for LIFE), and employees can now breathe in outer space and you get a fast track spot to both of them(more fast track spots will require money to build)!**

 **Warning: will also lose ability to use Nemamancy skill permanently...but all love interests Nemamancy skill will immediately go up to 100.**

 **Have a heart!...or someone else's?: killing humans will- in addition to the usual loot -will also produce a heart! These can either be sold on 'special' markets or used to give you 1 endurance point.**

 **Alpha twin perk: Beta defect negated! Also +20 to all primary stats, Gain half of Mable primary stats, Gain half of Mable primary stats, Gain half of Mable primary stats, Gain half of Mable primary stats, Gain Mable inheritance and allowance,Mable is disinherited and kicked out of the family!**

 **Mable loses all right to the Pines name, she will be thrown in jail if she even refers to herself as a pine.**

 **Mom pines, dad pines and Stan Pines will got to jail if they give her inheritance/allowance while they live, any inheritance/allowance they give her in death will immediately go to Dipper.**

 **Any cash you give to Mable will immediately return to you! So no tricks buddy!**

 **Aqua king: gain the power to breath underwater and swim like a champ!**

 **Warning: will turn you into a fish freak, lose 100 charisma points, and people are 100% more likely to throw rocks at you.**

 **Update: The negative consequences of this perk have been negated by the perk 'power to the people'**

 **Secondary stats:**

 **Bloodlust: Level 1**

 **Hacking: Level 75**

 **Observation: Level 50**

 **Lying: level 215**

 **Cooking: level 100**

 **Unarmed combat: Level 525**

 **Armed combat: Level 275**

 **Theatrics: Level 265**

 **Bullshiting: Level 175**

 **Blackmail: Level 160**

 **Lie detection: Level 80**

 **Politics: Level 60**

 **Science: level 275**

 **Mechanics: level 200**

 **physics: level 125**

 **Chemistry: level 60**

 **Forensic: level 13**

 **Mathematics: level 350**

 **Sprinting: level 200**

 **Dodging: level 250**

 **Parkour: level 25**

 **Radiobiology: level 100**

 **Botany: level 202**

 **Herbology: level 255**

 **Botanomancy: Level 1**

 **Toxicology: level 2000**

 **Janitorial work: level 3000**

 **Calligraphy: level 50**

 **Zoology: level 150**

 **Magizoology: level 200**

 **Pyromancy: level 100**

 **Remomancy: level 1**

 **Dungeon summon: level 1**

 **Dungeon exit: level 1**

 **Electromancy: level 1**

 **Crafting: Level 13**

 **Sewing: Level 2**

 **Metalwork: Level 5**

 **Mentalist Defenses: level 200**

 **Lover: 105(-15000)(gained the 5 due to gaining 'experience' with Grenda)  
**

 **Kissing: 5**

 **Journal pages: 25/3,000**

 **Journals: 0/3**

 **Plant types found: 9/182**

 **Plants types catalogued: 9/182**

 **Plants seed types collected: 9/182**

 **Current property owned: 1/1,000**

 **Titles:**

 **King of Mars: Increased reputation among politicians, tourists, merchants, intellectuals, and astronauts**

 **King of Moon: Increased reputation among politicians, tourists, merchants, intellectuals, astronauts, and (?)**

 **Learned Liar: Increased reputation among criminals, merchants, and politicians**

 **Master Chef: Increased reputation among craftsmen, and merchants**

 **Puglistics expert: Increased reputation among warriors**

 **Armament king: Increased reputation among warriors**

 **Baron of Blackmail: Increased reputation among criminals, Merchants and politicians**

 **Sherif of Bullshit: Increased reputation among criminals, Merchants and politicians**

 **Prince of physics: Reputation increased among intellectuals**

 **Tian Kehan of Theatrics: increased reputation among artisans and intellectuals**

 **Scientist Supreme: Increased reputation among the intellectuals**

 **Maestro of mechanics: Increased reputation among the Craftsmen, and merchants**

 **The Major of Mathematics: Increased reputation among intellectuals**

 **All-star Sprinter: Increased reputation among Athletes and warriors**

 **Duke of Dodge: Increased reputation among Athletes and warriors**

 **Czar of Radiation: Increased reputation among Intellectuals and medics**

 **Botany lord: Increased reputation among plants, plant-like creatures, medics and intellectuals**

 **Minister of herbology: Increased reputation among magic Plants, plant-like creatures, medics and intellectuals**

 **Toxicology Tyrant: Increased reputation among janitors, medics, intellectuals, ninja, criminals, pirates, politicians, merchants and assassins**

 **Judge of Janitors: Increased reputation among janitors and criminals**

 **Sultan of Zoo's: Increased reputation among animals, Cryptids, Medics and intellectuals**

 **Regent of Magizoology: Increased reputation among Cryptids, medics and intellectuals**

 **Prince of Pyro's: Increase reputation with Cryptids and magicals**

 **Master mentalist: increase reputation with mentalists**

 **Defects:**

 **Noodle Arm defect: Your a wuss! -100 strength and -100 endurance until you complete 7 missions!**

 **Social outcast defect: Your a loser! -100 Charisma until you complete 7 missions!**

 **Mr. Unlucky defect: Let's face it, your sister always got everything and you got squat! Sucks to be you, wuss! -100 luck until you complete 7 missions!**

 **TEENY WEENY: ...Do I even need to explain this? Girls will laugh at you when your naked uncontrollably. -5000 in your 'lover'**

 **Warning: This defect is permanent, but the -5000 can be negated with enough experience...simply have sex 100 times- but the girl has to be 'satisfied'! Each time! Otherwise it won't count.**

 **Flaccid, thy name is Dipper:...due to the perk 'The meek will inherit the Earth? NOT! This defect is also permanent...the defect can only be shut off(and turned on again) by one of your love interests. However, the -5000 to your 'lover' statistic can only be negated with enough 'experience'...simply have sex 100 times- but the girl has to be 'satisfied'! Each time! Otherwise it won't count.**

 **Super freak! Super freak! Your junk is super freaky: When girls can see your genitals- possibly by microscope -they will laugh!...maybe vomit too! Your genitals look like the love child of a hairless, warty toad roadkill and the corpse of a scary clown(also hairless)...you lose -5000 to your 'lover' statistic...you know what? I'm in a good mood right now...you only have to have sex 9 times to remove this...although, each time has to be with a different girl! and they ALL have to be 'satisfied'!**

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Okay, what would you guys like to see happen next?**

 **AN: The song is 'Circles' by 'Soul coughing'**

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	10. Chapter 10

**Gravity falls: Game of the Year edition ch. 10  
**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **AN: This chapter was collaborated by wolvenstrom**

...

 **AN: P.S. I'm always open for suggestions about cheats, cheat codes, game mechanics, levels, missions, mini-games, perks, achievements, grinds, boss fights, secrets, Dungeons, 'Cruel or Kind' Scenarios and any other game related ideas for this story!**

...

Before a sobbing Dipper knew what he was doing...he was hugging Wendy...and confessing everything...his 'first' summer here...failing to save the world...dying...coming back...as a videogame character...all he'd been through...and now Grenda...one of Mable's best friends...was dead...

"Please...please Wendy...join my party...I need my friend back! I- I can't do this without you!" Sobbed a desperate Dipper...

Wendy...Wendy was completely lost...it all sounded insane...true, she knew that having just seen bigfoot she should be more-open minded...but this...this was BEYOND insane...but still...he looked desperate...

 **beep!**

Also, a large digital screen had just popped out of nowhere, kinda proving what he was saying...

 **Join party?**

 **Y/N**

Wendy looked this in disbelief...she reached her hand...but hesitated...she gave another look at the poor, sobbing boy she barely knew...then steeled herself, pressed yes...and REMEMBERED

 _Who wants a Lamby, Lamby?_

 _I think I'm gonna go stare at a wall and rethink everything._

 _ _"But Dipper, they're so...(holds up corn dog to the end of the sign that says "DELICIOUS")delicious?"__

 _ _ _Lemme tell you something: this summer was SUPER boring until you showed up. I have more fun with you than, like, practically anybody else; and if you ever stopped being my friend, I would, like, throw myself into the Bottomless Pit!___

 _You can't force someone to love you. The best you can do is strive to be someone worthy of loving_

...

And like that...all the memories are returned to her...and now...now her eyes are tearing up...she now turns to the person who she now remembers as one of the most important people in her life. "Dipper?" She squeaked out...and like that Dipper was hugging his FRIEND again...

...

"man that's messed up...but I think your being WAY too hard on yourself...you were just blowing off steam after she RAPED you...and come on...killing someone by shattering a flask no where near them? How could ANYONE possibly predict that?"

"But still...Grenda is dead...she was a good frien- "No, OUR Grenda was a good friend." Interrupted Wendy angrily. "This videogame version...whoever she was...she was A Grenda...but OUR Grenda would never do this." Said Wendy sorrowful...the memory of that crazy, wonderful, younger girl who beat up unicorns with her was still fresh in her mind.

Dipper sighed..."Still...if she were alive...we could've added her to my party and restored her memory like it did to you apparently, if only-

 **DING! NEW MISSION!** **REVIVE GRENDA!**

 **Reward: (locked), gain Grenda as a party member and love interest.**

 _"Love interest?"_ Thinks Wendy confused. Dipper frowns, "Um...okay...I guess were going to do that then." He says as he tries to get his mixed feelings under control. He turns to Wendy. "So...your really okay with this?"

Wendy shrugs; "Okay with what? The insanity, the life-or-death struggle? So what else is new?" She said with a sarcastic chuckle. Dipper sighs, "Quite alot actually, whoever is making this 'game' has retconed everything, I doubt what we know of the first time around will be alot of use...plus, he seems to have made it his life purpose to make me and those I care about suffer."

Wendy just smiled, Come on dude, video games don't exist to solely torture the players. You always start of with a tone of crap, but as the game progresses you get better equipment and abilities or get to remove hindrances...so Just chill and keep playing the game, and in no time you'll be a seven foot tall five star bad a** with world class brains, washboard abs and swinging your sword everywhere." She said with a smirk.

"You really think I can, wait...a sword? Why would I need a...ooooohhh. You mean my..." Said a flusterd Dipper, suddenly VERY self-conscious that he was still naked. He quickly used his hat to cover himself.

"Heh heh. Yup." Teased Wendy as he gave him a wink...and mercifully, her coat to cover his shame further. Dipper desperately tried to recompose himself, "Okay first...I'm probably going to need you to go to town and buy me clothes."

"Done and done." Said wendy sincerely, she joked...but it was seven shades of awkward having him like that...especially with his ...(cough) shortcomings visible for all to see.

But also...you'll probablly need to fill up and organize your stats before you do anything else. But i gotta warn you...I know your nonchalant toward this- something I've alway admired about you -...this game really won't pull any punches to make you beg for mercy.

Wendy snorted as she brought up her status screen, "Buddy, I- briefly -survived weirdmagedon...I think I can handle...she trailed off when she saw her 'perk' selection...

 **Feat: old blue eyes** **: all you have to do to get what you want as for the Old eyelashes, and whoever looks at you will be lost in your sweet baby blues. Wrapping them around your finger, baby doll.**  
 **Effect: dramatically increases charisma and all associated a day you can automatically win a charisma related check.**

 **Negatives: If you keep giving people the eyes, they start to form opinions. People will now, regardless of evidence to the contrary, treat you like a sweet l, innocent and utterly helpless, pink loving girly girl. Your physical attributes and related skills are reduced to 1. Cannot increase for as long as this feat is active.**

 **Brawn Hilda:** **Your the daughter of an upright walking bear! It's time you looked the part!**  
 **Effect: Your physical attributes and related skills are increased dramatically.**

 **Negative: this is not unnatural strength. You look every bit as strong as you are. You gain the cliche appearance and accent of a strong, intimidating Eastern European woman. Reduce charisma attribute and related skills to 1. Cannot be increased as long as this feat is active.**

 **Babewatch** **: Yooou'll be there! To do what you don't know. But you look good.**  
 **Effect: Increase Luck attribute to a ridiculous degree.**

 **Negative: You'll never be appreciated for you mind that's for sure. You gain the cliche appearance and accent of an air headed valley girl. Reduce wisdom and logic attributes and related skills to 1. Cannot increase as long as this feat is active.  
**

Wendy then TRULY made good of her lumberjack heritage by swearing up a storm that would make even a sailor blush...

...

Dipper calmed her down by explaining to her that the next time they found a 'power to the people' item he'd give it to her to negate the downside...in the meantime since all the other perks seemed to have been locked(until they access the 'day of the Devourer' DLC for some reason), he advise to skip the perks...for the moment she'd have to just forget about using perks and just allocate her-

"1900 PRIMARY STATISTIC POINTS!?" Shots Dipper in disbelief.

 **DING!**

 **As an anti-frustration feature-** "HA!" Mocked Dipper - **any new party members will be given the combined total of the main player's(you) current primary statistic's as well as perk points How do you like that, all your hard work, blood, sweat, and tears...and I just handed it to all to someone else on a silver platter...that must feel good, doesn't it?**

Wendy looked over expecting to see a devastated Dipper...but was surprised to see him smile! "Actually...it dose feel good! Wendy is now very much protected from the horrors no doubt sneaking around, I couldn't be happier!" He shouts sincerely.

 **DING!**

 **...spoil sport...Anyway! as a secondary character-** "HEY!" Shouts Wendy **-Shut up Wendy! You stopped being relevant after the bunker, and you know it! Anyway, she won't have access to any of the secondary statistics you do- except** **Nemamancy of course-although she has a more specialized set of secondary statistics...they won't become unlocked until AFTER the above mentioned DLC is accessed Dipper will also get first dib's on all loot she finds and it will be DIPPER that controls where her primary statistics get located.**

Dipper looks to Wendy. "Soooo...that bother you?" Wendy shrugs, "Nah, I trust you..." She said with indifference.

 **Ding!**

 **...Just get a move on, darn you!**

Wendy also took a look at Dipper's statistics to get a firmer grasp on the situation..."Whoa! You own two planets! And all you had to do was...Oh." She went scarlet as turned to her increasingly unfortunate friend.

Dipper covered his crotch all the more tightly. "Please...don't abuse that power." Wendy looked at him horrified, "What!? No! Dude, I maybe a prankster...but- Just no! There are some lines that shouldn't be crossed!...by the way what's nemamancy?"

Dipper sighed, "Power over clothes...I can only assume it's to give my love interests the power to humiliate me..." Wendy rolled her eyes, "Relax dude...I know this is a serious situation, I won't do that to you...yet." She said that last part quietly to herself.

Wendy had talked with Soos enough to know that she covers a lot of the dating sim tropes. She's a none-related girl who hangs out with the main character (i.e Dipper), She's 'the first girl', The fiery redhead, The cool older girl, The tomboy with a girly streak, The action girl...she wasn't 100% onboard with this...she'd do what she could to help him find the 'right girl'(something, looking back, she wished she'd done the first time around) after they weren't dying...but for now...she was going to do what she could to get ride of those 'lover defects'- they were messed up! Also, she knew that they needed every advantage they could get against Bill...even that Pyronica...thing.

Deciding she'd focus on this later, she helped Dipper decide where to assign her points:

 **Current Stats:**

 **Primary Stats:**

 **S: 500(-10)** ** **(-10)**** **(-10)**

 **P: 100(-10)** ** **(-10)**** **(-10)**

 **E: 500** ** **(-10)**** **(-10)** **(-10)**

 **C: 100** ** **(-10)**** **(-10)** **(-10)**

 **I: 500** ** **(-10)**** **(-10)** **(-10)**

 **A: 100** ** **(-10)**** **(-10)** **(-10)**

 **L: 100** ** **(-10)**** **(-10)** **(-10)**

 **Perk points: 455**

 **Perks:**

 ** **Gamer's Body: you don't need food, water, toilet, or sleep! Like a real freak of a video game character!(this comes complimentary to all new party members)  
****

 ** **Gamer mind:your now free from all 'emo' thoughts, your welcome!**** ** **(this comes complimentary to all new party members)****

 ** **Secondary stats:****

 ** **nemamancy: level 100  
****

 **Defects:  
**

 **hot blooded: the stress of your family has gotten to you -10 to all stats until you complete 10 missions!**

 **Side character syndrome: get out their and be something other then a love interest!** ** **-10 to all stats until you complete 10 missions!****

 **Inner turmoil: Your being forced by an eldritch abomination to make love to your younger friend to save the world, how messed up is that? He's also subtracting 10 points from you until you complete 10 missions! Sucks to be you!**

Wendy shakes her head, "I take back what I said...this video game IS out to torture us. They then decide to head off before the Big-foots return and see what they did to their daughter, they first wrap up her body and put it in Dipper inventory...and they leave in the golf cart...

...for a moment...silence reigns in the forest...then out of the shadows...a young person...clothed in black ninja garb appears...the person walks through the clearing...then stops...she gets on all fours and smells the ground...she throws some dust...and sees an ethereal vision of Grenda's still body...

the ninja gasps..then gets on their hands and knees and sobs. But the ninja composes them self...and searches the ground for clues...and then it's found! a lock of brunette hair! The ninja leaves the area with purpose...she is on the hunt!

...

 **CRUEL OR KIND!**

 **Go Right to be kind: Save Mable from the Gnomes, mable will latch onto you as an enabler and NEVER be independent! You will also miss out on a valuable clue to bring Grenda back to life forever!**

 ** **Go Left to be Cruel: Get valuable clue, major loot, Mable will be stuck with gnomes 5 days before she escapes unharmed! relationship with Mable will suffer, but she comes closer to being independent!  
****

Wendy looks at the fork in the road that's popped in front of them in disbelief, "wow." She says in horrified amazement. "I know." Groaned Dipper in affirmation. "I'm going to regret joining this adventure aren't I?" "I'm surprised your not already..."

...

 **...Dipper...**

 **Current Stats:**

 **Primary Stats:**

 **S: 216(+100)(+100)(-100)(+100)**

 **P: 181**

 **E: 231(+100)(+100)(-100)(+100)**

 **C: 301(-100)**

 **I: 501**

 **A: 181**

 **L: 289(-100)**

 **Perk points: 455**

 **Perks:**

 **The hungry Bookworm: gain one intelligence point for every Skill Book you read(this will be in addition to the skill point you already get from said book)...warning: you'll have an uncontrollable urge to eat the book after you finish with it.**

 **Vanna shake my pirate booty!: 10% increase in all Experience points gained finding loot, 65% increase in value on all loot you discover/steal and 95% more likely to find 'rare items' in monster gullets or buried treasure...warning: parrots and pirates will poop on you constantly...and you'll be #1 on every Ninja hit list.**

 **HEART OF A TRUE MAN: Gain 10 Endurance points! Gain 10 Strength points! Gain Gamer's Body(you don't need food, water, toilet, or sleep! Like a real freak of a video game character!)! Gain Gamer mind(your now free from all 'emo' thoughts, your welcome!)**

 **Warning: Like a true man...you know inner-strength is all that matters...so of course you won't mind this perk shriveling your genitals to ridiculously tiny size! And ensuring a 100% chance of girls laughing at you if they see it! Nope! That doesn't bother you! Cause your a real man!...also, there'll be a 50/50 chance of Bigfoot attempting to kidnap you everyday!**

 **Silent but listening: Gain experience of learning another language just by hearing people speak it! Or Read it!(only get half of XP for doing the later)**

 **A new glowing dawn: Impending nuclear holocaust got you down? With this perk you gain instant immunity to radiation! Gain 100 levels in secondary statistic 'Radiobiology', also temporarily gain an extra 100 endurance points whenever hit by a curse or poison, will also gain a temporary 100 strength point whenever your about to be crushed to death**

 **Warning: Will also permanently turn you into a giant, feral cockroach monster that eats garbage, human flesh and little girls who's name rhymes with 'Table'(especially that last one).**

 **Update: The negative consequences of this perk have been negated by the perk 'power to the people'**

 **Pyro maniac: BURN YOUR ENEMIES! Gain instant level 100 Pyromancy, temporary +100 Endurance whenever attacked by fire damage, and +100 to strength whenever inflicting fire damage on an enemy...warning: 75% chance of killing yourself and allies**

 **Update: The negative consequences of this perk have been negated by the perk 'power to the people'**

 **POWER TO THE PEOPLE! For the cost of 5 perk points, this perk can be used to negate the negative consequences of ONE perk you have already selected.**

 **Warning: after use, this perk will no longer be available on the perk menu...but it can be found out in the world...good hunting!**

 **'For the greater good' Achievement- Congratulations! You suddenly remembered your relatives are actual people and not video game sprites, and decided in your 'boundless grace' to set them free instead of leaving them to die while you sapped all the fun out of the game by abusing the f**king tutorial.**

 **Reward: Gain 10% more XP on missions that do not give items or money (or) can choose to forego money and items in missions in exchange for 25% extra XP.**

 **Keep the money flowing: gain 75% more money from all business/properties you own, you'll also get a 25% discount for all things that you buy...but random encounters of monsters/enemies increase by 75% as well! Also overall toughness of monsters will increase by 25%!**

 **The meek will inherit the earth? NOT!: you become submissive toward ALL your love interests(well...more submissive then you were already), you'll temporarily lose any/all of your perks/skills/abilities if said perk/skill/ability prevents said love interest from trying to overcome, overpower, trick or humiliate you. Your genitals will literally belong to them and stay limp until you have their permission for it to be otherwise! Which...now that I think of it, really isn't much of a change for you, isn't it? On the plus side? You own the moon and Mars now! Both will be recognized as sovereign separate nations, you lucky dog! You, your party, invited guests(not Mable, she's banned for LIFE), and employees can now breathe in outer space and you get a fast track spot to both of them(more fast track spots will require money to build)!**

 **Warning: will also lose ability to use Nemamancy skill permanently...but all love interests Nemamancy skill will immediately go up to 100.**

 **Have a heart!...or someone else's?: killing humans will- in addition to the usual loot -will also produce a heart! These can either be sold on 'special' markets or used to give you 1 endurance point.**

 **Alpha twin perk: Beta defect negated! Also +20 to all primary stats, Gain half of Mable primary stats, Gain half of Mable primary stats, Gain Mable's inheritance and allowance, Mable is disinherited and kicked out of the family!**

 **Mable loses all right to the Pines name, she will be thrown in jail if she even refers to herself as a pine.**

 **Mom pines, dad pines and Stan Pines will got to jail if they give her inheritance/allowance while they live, any inheritance/allowance they give her in death will immediately go to Dipper.**

 **Any cash you give to Mable will immediately return to you! So no tricks buddy!**

 **Aqua king: gain the power to breath underwater and swim like a champ!**

 **Warning: will turn you into a fish freak, lose 100 charisma points, and people are 100% more likely to throw rocks at you.**

 **Update: The negative consequences of this perk have been negated by the perk 'power to the people'**

 **Secondary stats:**

 **Bloodlust: Level 1**

 **Hacking: Level 75**

 **Observation: Level 50**

 **Lying: level 215**

 **Cooking: level 100**

 **Unarmed combat: Level 525**

 **Armed combat: Level 275**

 **Theatrics: Level 265**

 **Bullshiting: Level 175**

 **Blackmail: Level 160**

 **Lie detection: Level 80**

 **Politics: Level 60**

 **Science: level 275**

 **Mechanics: level 200**

 **physics: level 125**

 **Chemistry: level 60**

 **Forensic: level 13**

 **Mathematics: level 350**

 **Sprinting: level 200**

 **Dodging: level 250**

 **Parkour: level 25**

 **Radiobiology: level 100**

 **Botany: level 202**

 **Herbology: level 255**

 **Botanomancy: Level 1**

 **Toxicology: level 2000**

 **Janitorial work: level 3000**

 **Calligraphy: level 50**

 **Zoology: level 150**

 **Magizoology: level 200**

 **Pyromancy: level 100**

 **Remomancy: level 1**

 **Dungeon summon: level 1**

 **Dungeon exit: level 1**

 **Electromancy: level 1**

 **Crafting: Level 13**

 **Sewing: Level 2**

 **Metalwork: Level 5**

 **Mentalist Defenses: level 200**

 **Lover: 105(-15000)  
**

 **Kissing: 5**

 **Journal pages: 25/3,000**

 **Journals: 0/3**

 **Plant types found: 9/182**

 **Plants types catalogued: 9/182**

 **Plants seed types collected: 9/182**

 **Current property owned: 1/1,000**

 **Titles:**

 **King of Mars: Increased reputation among politicians, tourists, merchants, intellectuals, and astronauts**

 **King of Moon: Increased reputation among politicians, tourists, merchants, intellectuals, astronauts, and (?)**

 **Learned Liar: Increased reputation among criminals, merchants, and politicians**

 **Master Chef: Increased reputation among craftsmen, and merchants**

 **Puglistics expert: Increased reputation among warriors**

 **Armament king: Increased reputation among warriors**

 **Baron of Blackmail: Increased reputation among criminals, Merchants and politicians**

 **Sherif of Bullshit: Increased reputation among criminals, Merchants and politicians**

 **Prince of physics: Reputation increased among intellectuals**

 **Tian Kehan of Theatrics: increased reputation among artisans and intellectuals**

 **Scientist Supreme: Increased reputation among the intellectuals**

 **Maestro of mechanics: Increased reputation among the Craftsmen, and merchants**

 **The Major of Mathematics: Increased reputation among intellectuals**

 **All-star Sprinter: Increased reputation among Athletes and warriors**

 **Duke of Dodge: Increased reputation among Athletes and warriors**

 **Czar of Radiation: Increased reputation among Intellectuals and medics**

 **Botany lord: Increased reputation among plants, plant-like creatures, medics and intellectuals**

 **Minister of herbology: Increased reputation among magic Plants, plant-like creatures, medics and intellectuals**

 **Toxicology Tyrant: Increased reputation among janitors, medics, intellectuals, ninja, criminals, pirates, politicians, merchants and assassins**

 **Judge of Janitors: Increased reputation among janitors and criminals**

 **Sultan of Zoo's: Increased reputation among animals, Cryptids, Medics and intellectuals**

 **Regent of Magizoology: Increased reputation among Cryptids, medics and intellectuals**

 **Prince of Pyro's: Increase reputation with Cryptids and magicals**

 **Master mentalist: increase reputation with mentalists**

 **Defects:**

 **Noodle Arm defect: Your a wuss! -100 strength and -100 endurance until you complete 7 missions!**

 **Social outcast defect: Your a loser! -100 Charisma until you complete 7 missions!**

 **Mr. Unlucky defect: Let's face it, your sister always got everything and you got squat! Sucks to be you, wuss! -100 luck until you complete 7 missions!**

 **TEENY WEENY: ...Do I even need to explain this? Girls will laugh at you when your naked uncontrollably. -5000 in your 'lover'**

 **Warning: This defect is permanent, but the -5000 can be negated with enough experience...simply have sex 100 times- but the girl has to be 'satisfied'! Each time! Otherwise it won't count.**

 **Flaccid, thy name is Dipper:...due to the perk 'The meek will inherit the Earth? NOT! This defect is also permanent...the defect can only be shut off(and turned on again) by one of your love interests. However, the -5000 to your 'lover' statistic can only be negated with enough 'experience'...simply have sex 100 times- but the girl has to be 'satisfied'! Each time! Otherwise it won't count.**

 **Super freak! Super freak! Your junk is super freaky: When girls can see your genitals- possibly by microscope -they will laugh!...maybe vomit too! Your genitals look like the love child of a hairless, warty toad roadkill and the corpse of a scary clown(also hairless)...you lose -5000 to your 'lover' statistic...you know what? I'm in a good mood right now...you only have to have sex 9 times to remove this...although, each time has to be with a different girl! and they ALL have to be 'satisfied'!**

 **...Wendy...**

 **Current Stats:**

 **Primary Stats:**

 **S: 500(-10)** ** **(-10)**** **(-10)**

 **P: 100(-10)** ** **(-10)**** **(-10)**

 **E: 500** ** **(-10)**** **(-10)** **(-10)**

 **C: 100** ** **(-10)**** **(-10)** **(-10)**

 **I: 500** ** **(-10)**** **(-10)** **(-10)**

 **A: 100** ** **(-10)**** **(-10)** **(-10)**

 **L: 100** ** **(-10)**** **(-10)** **(-10)**

 **Perk points: 455**

 **Perks:**

 ** **Gamer's Body: you don't need food, water, toilet, or sleep! Like a real freak of a video game character!(this comes complimentary to all new party members)  
****

 ** **Gamer mind:your now free from all 'emo' thoughts, your welcome!**** ** **(this comes complimentary to all new party members)****

 ** **Secondary stats:****

 ** **nemamancy: level 100  
****

 **Defects:  
**

 **hot blooded: the stress of your family has gotten to you -10 to all stats until you complete 10 missions!**

 **Side character syndrome: get out their and be something other then a love interest!** ** **-10 to all stats until you complete 10 missions!****

 **Inner turmoil: Your being forced by an eldritch abomination to make love to your younger friend to save the world, how messed up is that? He's also subtracting 10 points from you until you complete 10 missions! Sucks to be you!**

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Okay, what would you guys like to see happen next?**

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


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